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Funny Read Quotes
Funny Quotes about Read

Let these funny Read Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain


 

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I have tried lately to read Shakespeare,
and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me.
- Charles Darwin

This report, by its very length, defends itself
against the risk of being read.
- Winston Churchill


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The length of this document defends it well
against the risk of its being read.
- Winston Churchill

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill

In boundless love as a Christian and as a man
I read through the passage which tells us
how the Lord at last rose in His might
and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple
the brood of vipers and of adders.
- Adolph Hitler

To a philosopher all news,
as it is called, is gossip,
and they who edit and read it
are old women over their tea.
- Henry David Thoreau

However many holy words you read, however many you speak,
what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?
- The Buddha

Do you know the difference between education and experience?
Education is when you read the fine print;
experience is what you get when you don't.
- Pete Seeger

I read Shakespeare and the Bible, and I can shoot dice.
That's what I call a liberal education.
- Tallulah Bankhead

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think,
all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read,
and all the friends I want to see.
- John Burroughs

I still read Donne, particularly his love poems.
- Carol Ann Duffy

You read a script and its based on 'Reservoir Dogs' and 'Pulp Fiction',
and it goes right in the bin.
- Tim Roth

I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month,
and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it.
- Thomas Jefferson

The illiterate are not those who cannot read and write,
but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.
- Alvin Toffler

Half of the American people have never read a newspaper.
Half never voted for President.
One hopes it is the same half.
- Gore Vidal

Where the press is free and every man
is able to read, all is safe.
- Thomas Jefferson

Read the best books first,
or you may not have a chance to read them at all.
- Henry David Thoreau

I would rather exercise than read a newspaper.
- Kim Alexis

If you read quickly to get through a poem to what it means,
you have missed the body of the poem.
- M. H. Abrams

I grew up in a very religious family.
I could read the Qu'ran easily at the age of five.
- Akhmad Kadyrov

The illiterate of the future will not be the person who cannot read.
It will be the person who does not know how to learn.
- Alvin Toffler

A truly good book teaches me better than to read it.
I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint.
What I began by reading, I must finish by acting.
- Henry David Thoreau

To read a poem is to hear it with our eyes;
to hear it is to see it with our ears.
- Octavio Paz

The highest and most beautiful things in life
are not to be heard about, nor read about, nor seen but,
if one will, are to be lived.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If you want to read about love and marriage,
you've got to buy two separate books.
- Alan King

What must it be like for a little boy to read that daddy never loved mummy?
- Princess Diana

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.
- Saint Augustine

We Learn...
10% of what we read,
20% of what we hear,
30% of what we see,
50% of what we see and hear,
70% of what we discuss,
80% of what we experience,
95% of what we teach others.
- William Glasser

Each word bears its weight, so you have to read my poems quite slowly.
- Anne Stevenson

If I read a book that impresses me,
I have to take myself firmly in hand
before I mix with other people;
otherwise they would think my mind rather queer.
- Anne Frank

It is in our lives and not our words
that our religion must be read.
- Thomas Jefferson

The bookful blockhead, ignorantly read With loads of
learned lumber in his head.
- Alexander Pope

The more I read, the more I meditate;
and the more I acquire,
the more certain I am that I know nothing.
- Voltaire

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription,
but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
- Earl Wilson

When I was a teenager, I read a lot of Poe.
- Dario Argento

O Day of days when we can read!
The reader and the book, either without the other is naught.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow

Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him
is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages.
- Barry Goldwater

My mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday,
so I said I wanted to read poetry with her.
- Guy Johnson

If you can speak what you will never hear,
if you can write what you will never read,
you have done rare things.
- Henry David Thoreau

Education...
has produced a vast population able to read but unable
to distinguish what is worth reading.
- G. M. Trevelyan

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River,
the headline that afternoon would read:
"President Can't Swim."
- Lyndon B. Johnson

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living.
That's one thing about a little education.
It spoils you for actual work.
The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.
- Will Rogers

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
- William Butler Yeats

When you read God's Word, you must
constantly be saying to yourself,
"It is talking to me, and about me."
- Soren Kierkegaard

I was working straight for nine months and I'm exhausted.
I'm ready to relax for a little while and read.
I don't want to work for work sake; I have to be excited about it.
- Sanaa Lathan

Poetry seems to have been eliminated as a literary genre,
and installed instead, as a kind of spiritual aerobic exercise -
nobody need read it,
but anybody can do it.
- Marilyn Hacker

Television's not going read stories to you.
- Kurt Loder

My early reviews were so bad that I decided I didn't want to read them again.
- Danielle Steel

I read on the Internet that I was dead.
- Fiona Apple

I tell beginning readers to read a lot and write a lot.
If you want to write a book, find a subject that's
really worth the time and effort you'll put in.
- Tracy Kidder

I read true crime books, and I read when people do case studies of stuff.
I'm into books like that.
Case studies or forensics or murder -
all that good stuff.
- Tom Araya

To read of a detective's daring finesse or ingenious stratagem is a rare joy.
- Rex Stout

My readers at that time were still men of letters;
but there had to be other people waiting to read my poems.
- Salvatore Quasimodo

Both read the Bible day and night, but thou read black where I read white.
- William Blake

Everything that you read is an influence on everything you write,
and you want to draw as many elements into your work as you can.
- Walter Jon Williams

When I'm working on something, I proceed as if no one else will ever read it.
- Anne Tyler

I tell writers to keep reading, reading,
reading.
Read widely and deeply.
And I tell them not to give up even after getting rejection letters.
And only write what you love.
- Anita Diament

From the time I was a little boy I found myself reading
history when I had a choice.
I read a lot of things, but history had a special appeal for me.
- Donald Kagan

Pound's translation of Chinese poetry was maybe the
most important thing I read.
Eliot a little bit later.
- Robert Morgan

My wife says that my tombstone will read,
'Here lies Mr.C, who used to be Mr.B.'
So I think that's probably what I'll be remembered for.
- Tom Bosley

When a new book is published, read an old one.
- Samuel Rogers

I'm sure we don't read old paintings the way they were intended.
- Robert Rauschenberg

No skill shapes a child's future success in school
or in life more than the ability to read.
- Bob Riley

The flesh, alas, is sad, and I have read all the books.
- Stephane Mallarme

I first read science fiction in the old British Chum
annual when I was about 12 years old.
- A. E. van Vogt


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