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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Size Quotes
Funny Quotes about Size

Let these funny Size Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Self-respect is not a function of size, age, or wealth.
Breathe deep, sing loud and sweet,
"I am me, I am unique, I am magnificent."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The size of your success is measured by
the strength of your desire;
the size of your dream;
and how you handle disappointment along the way.
- Robert Kiyosaki


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What counts is not necessarily
the size of the dog in the fight -
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower quoting Mark Twain

I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel

Eagles come in all shapes and sizes,
but you will recognize them chiefly by their attitudes.
- E. F. Schumacher


 

Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery
in which to bury the faults of his friends.
- Henry Brooks Adams

Today's acorns grow into the oak trees of thirty years hence.
But what acorns are we sowing today?
Imagine what an acorn-sized bit of prejudice or hatred would grow into.
Imagine what an acorn-sized bit of pollution can become.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.