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Funny Cat Quotes
Funny Quotes about Cat

Let these funny Cat Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down
rat holes with baited breath.
- W. C. Fields

It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll


 

A meowing cat can't catch mice.
- Yiddish Proverb

If you want something to be different than it is,
you might as well teach a cat to bark.
Wanting something to be different than it is, is hopeless.
- Byron Katie

Never wear anything that panics the cat.
- P. J. O'Rourke


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I have a lot of very close girlfriends and sisters -
I'm from an all female family.
My father often quips that even the cat was neutered!
- Shirley Manson

THE fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
- Carl Sandburg

Only very brave mouse makes nest in cat's ear.
- Earl Derr Biggers

Like a Cat, I am Independent, Patient, Alert, and Decisive.
When the time is right, I pounce on opportunity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something
he can learn in no other way.
- Mark Twain

Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark
cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there.
Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
- Ogden Nash

If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you;
but if a cat does the same thing,
it is because your lap is warmer.
- Alfred North Whitehead

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat,
and the dog was walking.
- Mickey Rivers

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows,
cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.
- Cleveland Amory

A discussion of philosophy is like a cat chasing its tail -
it may be an amusing diversion but
it has no chance for a satisfying conclusion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I happen to think that computers are the most important
thing to happen to musicians since the invention of
cat-gut which was a long time ago.
- Robert Moog

If you want reality to be different than it is,
you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.
- Byron Katie

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth.
A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through.
- Jules Verne

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs,
and patronizes human beings.
- Oliver Herford

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright

When I took office, only high energy physicists
had ever heard of what is called the Worldwide Web...
Now even my cat has its own page.
- William J. Clinton

I kind of imagine myself at eighty, a cat lady.
- Juliette Lewis

I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat.
- Edgar Allan Poe

One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll

Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice,
and I don't want to sway anyone one way or another.
But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip:
Always remember to remove the bell from the cat's collar before cooking.
- Mike Royko

I never married because there was no need.
I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog which growls every morning,
a parrot which swears all afternoon,
and a cat that comes home late at night.
- Marie Corelli

The cat is a dilettante in fur.
- Theophile Gautier

All day long the door of the sub-conscious remains just ajar;
we slip through to the other side,
and return again, as easily and secretly as a cat.
- Walter de La Mare

Winners are different.
They're a different breed of cat.
- Byron Nelson

Let a man get up and say, Behold, this is the truth,
and instantly I perceive a sandy cat filching a piece
of fish in the background.
Look, you have forgotten the cat, I say.
- Virginia Woolf

In nine lifetimes, you'll never know as much about
your cat as your cat knows about you.
- Michel de Montaigne

I usually just have one cat.
It is difficult, but I have my one cat that he'll travel
with me if it's appropriate,
if I'm not going overseas.
- Gina Gershon

I have four dogs, four horses, a cat,
and a bunch of wild frogs.
- Daryl Hannah

The cat, it is well to remember, remains the friend
of man because it pleases him to do so and not because he must.
- Carl Van Vechten

In reference to Cat Stevens, it is very,
very important we have accurate information on our
terrorist watch list and our no fly list and that you have a remedy.
- Asa Hutchinson

I have no desire to be a cat, which walks so lightly
that it never creates a disturbance.
- Andrew Taylor Still

The order of the world is always right -
such is the judgment of God.
For God has departed, but he has left his judgment behind,
the way the Cheshire Cat left his grin.
- Jean Baudrillard

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines
can tell this at a glance -
a sharp,
vindictive glance.
- James Thurber

I had the X rating on my films.
Now they do as much on The Simpsons as I got an X rating for Fritz the Cat.
- Ralph Bakshi

We had five goats, two dogs, a cat and racks of commentaries on Shakespeare.
- Charles Dance

I like cats.
I used to have a lot of cats, but I don't anymore,
now I just have a dog.
It does take a certain temperament to have a cat,
as they do have certain personalities.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt

There are more ways of skinning a cat than rubbing its fur the wrong way.
- J. Carter Brown

A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run -
sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.
- Helen Rowland

If you call a cat, he may not come.
Which doesn't happen with dogs.
They're different types of animals.
Cats are very sexy I think too in the way they move.
- Antonio Banderas

I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a
cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying
to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.
- Charles Baudelaire

My house is run, essentially, by an adopted,
fully clawed cat with a mean nature.
- Anthony Bourdain

If a cat does something, we call it instinct;
if we do the same thing,
for the same reason, we call it intelligence.
- Will Cuppy

Everything comes to those who wait...
except a cat.
- Mario Andretti

We have one cat.
I had eight cats and six dogs in Los Angeles.
- Rue McClanahan

Gromit was the name of a cat.
When I started modeling the cat I just didn't feel it was quite right,
so I made it into a dog because he could have a bigger nose and bigger,
longer legs.
- Nick Park

A cat pours his body on the floor like water.
It is restful just to see him.
- William Lyon Phelps

Prose books are the show dogs I breed and sell to support my cat.
- Robert Graves

If we treated everyone we meet with the same affection
we bestow upon our favorite cat,
they, too, would purr.
- Martin Delany

I can't swing a dead cat without hitting a reporter.
- Russel Honore

I hope we don't get to the point where we have to have
the cat stop chasing the mouse to teach him glassblowing and basket weaving.
- Joseph Barbera

We tell the public which way the cat is jumping.
The public will take care of the cat.
- Arthur Hays Sulzberger

We journalists tell the public which way the cat is jumping.
The public will take care of the cat.
- Arthur Hays Sulzberger

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St.
Bernard coming in through the cat door.
- Jeff Foxworthy

That's what the cat said to the canary when he swallowed him -
'You'll be all right.'
- Alvah Bessie

The memory is like a cat scratching my heart.
- Marina Oswald

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would
never stoop to admitting it.
- Doug Larson

Anyway, Cat Stevens is never going to make much money out of us.
- Wayne Coyne

One small cat changes coming home to an empty house to coming home.
- Pam Brown

With BitTorrent, the cat's out of the bag.
- Bram Cohen

You can't look at a sleeping cat and be tense.
- Jane Pauley

No matter how hard you try to teach your cat general relativity,
you're going to fail.
- Brian Greene

Life is life - whether in a cat, or dog or man.
There is no difference there between a cat or a man.
The idea of difference is a human conception for man's own advantage.
- Sri Aurobindo

The cat does not offer services.
The cat offers itself.
Of course he wants care and shelter.
You don't buy love for nothing.
- William S. Burroughs


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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