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Let these funny Disagree Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We should not let our response to
the people who disagree with us
be dictated by what they say about us
or even how they treat people we care for.
There has to be a chance that we can find love.
- William J. Clinton
Thinking isn't agreeing or disagreeing. That's voting.
- Robert Frost
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
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I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
A son is a son till he takes him a wife,
a daughter is a daughter all of her life.
- Irish Traditional
Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn
We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken
Never in any case say I have lost such a thing, but I have returned it.
Is your child dead? It is a return. Is your wife dead? It is a return.
Are you deprived of your estate? Is not this also a return?
- Epictetus
A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon
Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho
You shall not covet your neighbor's house;
you shall not covet your neighbor's wife,
nor his male servant, nor his female servant,
nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
- Exodus 20:17
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
- Mark Twain
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Experience keeps a dear school,
but fools will learn in no other.
- Benjamin Franklin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.