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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Even Quotes
Funny Quotes about Even

Let these funny Even Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
- W. C. Fields

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year.
I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
- Claude Pepper


 

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that
he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family
belonged to another church.
- Paul Lynde


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I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Faith is taking the first step,
even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated,
let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he
does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
- Bill Cosby

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Appreciate again and again, freshly and naively,
the basic goods of life, with awe,
pleasure, wonder and even ecstasy,
however stale these experiences may have become to others.
- Abraham Maslow

Nothing separates the generations more than music.
By the time a child is eight or nine,
he has developed a passion for his own music that is
even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
- Bill Cosby

Life is a series of experiences,
each one of which makes us bigger,
even though sometimes it is hard to realize this.
- Henry Ford

We humans feel an instinctive need to know
what is coming next - what we can count upon.
We fear change - even the most positive change.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Shoot for the moon.
Even if you miss,
you'll land among the stars.
- Les Brown

It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson

If you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
- Erica Jong

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

Doing an injury puts you below your enemy;
revenging one make you but even with him;
forgiving it sets you above him.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]

You know you love someone when you know
you want them to be happy,
even if their happiness means
that you are not a part of it.
- Anonymous

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Most of us are prisoners of habit,
and don't even notice that we do the same things,
think the same things, want the same things each day -
mostly without conscious thought.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Belief fuels our decisions -
even when we are not clearly aware of those beliefs.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain

Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity
opinions which differ from
the prejudices of their social environment.
Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.
- Albert Einstein

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart,
it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono

The trouble is,
if you don't risk anything,
you risk even more.
- Erica Jong

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.
- Lao Tzu

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world.
If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.
- Bill Veeck

My vision of a real humanity is of pure individuals
relating to each other, but not tied in any relationship.
They will be loving to each other,
but not being possessive of each other.
They will be sharing with each other
all their joys and all their blessings,
but never even in their dreams thinking of dominating,
thinking of enslaving the other person.
- Osho (Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh)

The real sin against life is to abuse and destroy beauty,
even one's own even more, one's own,
for that has been put in our care and we are responsible for its well-being.
- Katherine Anne Porter

Even the rich are hungry for love,
for being cared for, for being wanted,
for having someone to call their own.
- Mother Teresa

The higher the sun rises, the less shadow it casts;
even so, the greater is the goodness, the less it covets praise;
yet cannot avoid its rewards in honors.
- Lao Tzu

I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill.
- Edward Appleton

Religion is more than life. Remember that his own religion
is the truest to every man even if it stands low
in the scales of philosophical comparison.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Profit is sweet, even if it comes from deception.
- Sophocles

If you drink don't drive.
Don't even putt.
- Dean Martin

Citizen Kane is perhaps the one American talking picture
that seems as fresh now as the day it opened.
It may seem even fresher.
- Pauline Kael

We can do things that we never could before.
Stop-motion lets you build tiny little worlds,
and computers make that world even more believable.
- Nick Park

In today's world, it is no longer unimaginable to think
that business can operate -
and even thrive -
in an environmentally-friendly manner.
- Olympia Snowe

God is, even though the whole world deny him.
Truth stands, even if there be no public support.
It is self-sustained.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
- Robert Orben

While you are proclaiming peace with your lips,
be careful to have it even more fully in your heart.
- St. Francis of Assisi

When you fail you learn from the mistakes you made
and it motivates you to work even harder.
- Natalie Gulbis

My father? I never knew him.
Never even seen a picture of him.
- Eminem

I want to have children, but my friends scare me.
One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours.
I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner

You must pursue this investigation of Watergate even
if it leads to the president.
I'm innocent.
You've got to believe I'm innocent.
If you don't, take my job.
- Richard M. Nixon

Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers.
This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated
thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
- Albert Einstein

People understand me so poorly that they don't even understand
my complaint about them not understanding me.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Even in the Christian religion,
much of its real meaning is hidden by words
that are misleading and symbols that but few understand.
- Ernest Holmes

Truth stands, even if there be no public support.
It is self-sustained.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Never do anything against conscience
even if the state demands it.
- Albert Einstein

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,
and the word happy would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
It is far better take things as they come along
with patience and equanimity.
- Carl Jung

Even in the centuries which appear to us to be the
most monstrous and foolish,
the immortal appetite for beauty has always found satisfaction.
- Charles Baudelaire

Even if I set out to make a film about a fillet of sole,
it would be about me.
- Federico Fellini

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
- Daniel J. Boorstin

There is one thing even more vital to science than intelligent methods;
and that is,
the sincere desire to find out the truth,
whatever it may be.
- Charles Pierce

A man does not die of love or his liver or even of old age;
he dies of being a man.
- Miguel de Unamuno

Even at our birth, death does but stand aside a little.
And every day he looks towards us and muses somewhat
to himself whether that day or the next he will draw nigh.
- Robert Bolt

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win,
you're still a rat.
- Lily Tomlin


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