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Let these funny Dictated Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We should not let our response to
the people who disagree with us
be dictated by what they say about us
or even how they treat people we care for.
There has to be a chance that we can find love.
- William J. Clinton
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill 
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
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Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling
Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb
I've learned that you should always
leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
- Anonymous
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
You either do it completely and utterly,
or you should stop doing it.
- Bono (paraphrase)
If a man is proud of his wealth,
he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.
- Socrates
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind
Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
I soothe my conscience now with the thought that
it is better for hard words to be on paper
than that Mummy should carry them in her heart.
- Anne Frank
Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others,
you should put a good deal of thought
into the happiness that you are able to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Do not do unto others
as you expect they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
- George Bernard Shaw
When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
He who would pass his declining years with honor and comfort,
should, when young, consider that he may one day become old,
and remember when he is old, that he has once been young.
- Joseph Addison
Whatever your life's work is, do it well.
A man should do his job so well that the living,
the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
We should not moor a ship with one anchor,
or our life with one hope.
- Epictetus
If there is one principle more deeply rooted
in the mind of every American,
it is that we should have nothing to do with conquest.
- Thomas Jefferson
The school is the last expenditure upon which America
should be willing to economize.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Neither should a ship rely on one small anchor,
nor should life rest on a single hope.
- Epictetus
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care
for people will hear them and be influenced
by them for good or ill.
- The Buddha
NO ONE has been granted the authority to tell me
how my life should be lived.
I answer only to myself and to Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I think with the Romans, that the general of today
should be a soldier tomorrow if necessary.
- Thomas Jefferson
It is more dangerous that even
a guilty person should be punished
without the forms of law
than that he should escape.
- Thomas Jefferson
Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious,
one should preserve it.
- Anais Nin
I was only the servant of my country and had I, at any moment,
failed to express her unflinching resolve to fight and conquer,
I should at once have been rightly cast aside.
- Winston Churchill
You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Dave Barry
One that desires to excel
should endeavor in those things
that are in themselves most excellent.
- Epictetus
We may have our private opinions
but why should they be a bar to the meeting of hearts?
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A Bill of Rights is what the people are
entitled to against every government,
and what no just government should refuse, or rest on inference.
- Thomas Jefferson
Form follows function - that has been misunderstood.
Form and function should be one, joined in a spiritual union.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
You should never be content with so little,
when you can reach out for something big.
- Charles L. Allen
(This quote is about making a big difference
in the world - not about greed)
It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton
Everyone should be respected as an individual,
but no one idolized.
- Albert Einstein
I surrender to life as it is, not as it should be.
- Richard Carlson
I think, at a child's birth,
if a mother could ask a fairy godmother
to endow it with the most useful gift,
that gift should be curiosity.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein
Some people wanted champagne and caviar
when they should have had beer and hot dogs.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air.
They are where they should be.
Now put the foundations under them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Every citizen should be a soldier.
This was the case with the Greeks and Romans,
and must be that of every free state.
- Thomas Jefferson
Commerce with all nations,
alliance with none,
should be our motto.
- Thomas Jefferson
Life should not be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming, "Wow! What a Ride!"
- Hunter S. Thompson
The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live
that his happiness shall depend
as little as possible on external things.
- Epictetus
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.