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A man never knows how to say goodbye;
a woman never knows when to say it.
- Helen Rowland
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland
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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.