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Helen Rowland Quotes
Funny Quotes by Helen Rowland

Let these funny Helen Rowland Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland

A man never knows how to say goodbye;
a woman never knows when to say it.
- Helen Rowland


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Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein


 

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
- Margaret Mead

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy PHOTO

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller PHOTO

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather PHOTO

Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George

Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
- Khalil Gibran

If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela

Winners must have two things:
definite goals and a burning desire to achieve them.
- Anonymous

The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children
One is roots, the other is wings.
- Hodding Carter

At the beginning and at the end of love,
the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.
- Jean de la Bruyere

The career of a sage is of two kinds:
He is either honored by all in the world,
Like a flower waving its head,
Or else he disappears into the silent forest.
- Lao Tzu

There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith

You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- old proverb often attributed to David Lloyd George

Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
- Mencius

We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus

Falling in love and having a relationship
are two different things.
- Keanu Reeves

Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons
to promote the good and happiness of one another.
- Eustace Budgell

Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
- Aristotle

There are always two forces warring against each other within us.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

As a rock star, I have two instincts,
I want to have fun, and I want to change the world.
I have a chance to do both.
- Bono

Pride comes in two flavors -
be careful which you choose -
choose honor, not ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
- Friedrich Halm

A wise man hears one word and understands two.
- Yiddish Proverb

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I ...
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost

A Great Relationship is the Dance of Two Great Lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This is the answer to all questions about relationship.
When two people sing their lives in harmony,
their lives are grand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

People sort themselves into groups
of happy people and unhappy people
through two different, but complementary mechanisms,
influence and affinity.
I influence those around me
with my emotional state, either happy or unhappy.
At the same time, I feel an affinity
for others who are like me in some way -
in this case by sharing my emotional outlook on life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Unity can only be manifested by the Binary.
Unity itself and the idea of Unity are already two.
- The Buddha

I had three chairs in my house;
one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
- Henry David Thoreau

You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie

There are two kinds of failures:
those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
- Laurence J. Peter

This communicating of a man's self to his friend
works two contrary effects;
for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.
- Francis Bacon

Music fills the infinite between two souls.
- Rabindranath Tagore

The Two Great Lessons of Life: Choose Love & Trust God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The two powers which in my opinion constitute a wise man
are those of bearing and forbearing.
- Epictetus

There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth
- not going all the way and not starting.
- The Buddha

Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin

There are two means of refuge
from the miseries of life:
music and cats.
- Albert Schweitzer


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.