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Funny Were Quotes
Funny Quotes about Were

Let these funny Were Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
- Howard Nemerov


 

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath
toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Joan Rivers

I was born in very sorry circumstances.
Both of my parents were very sorry.
- Norman Wisdom

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well,
no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres


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People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy

Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon

Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

If you want to test your memory, try to recall what
you were worrying about one year ago today.
- E. Joseph Cossman

What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland

Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

Some years ago I became president of Columbia University
and learned within 24 hours to be ready
to speak at the drop of a hat,
and I learned something more, the trustees were expected
to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow

The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does
not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton,
they laughed at the Wright brothers.
But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
- Carl Sagan

You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw

Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda

I won't miss you.
I will miss who I thought you were.
- Anonymous

We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller

I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo

Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande

The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back
and realize they were the big things.
- Robert Brault

Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel

The word "happiness" would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
- Carl Jung

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw

I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller

If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap
whence everyone must take an equal portion,
most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
- Socrates

If self-validation were our
most significant societal measure -
we would give trophies to ourselves.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If life were predictable
it would cease to be life,
and be without flavor.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

If cats were double the size they are now,
they'd probably be illegal.
- Doug Coupland

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.
- Charles Lamb

The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self,
can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Win as if you were used to it,
lose as if you enjoyed it for a change.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I spent the first fourteen years of my life convinced
that my looks were hideous.
Adolescence is painful for everyone,
I know,
but mine was plain weird.
- Uma Thurman

We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous

I have found out in later years that we were very poor,
but the glory of America is that we didn't know it then.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

If I were asked to name the chief benefit of the house,
I should say: the house shelters day-dreaming,
the house protects the dreamer, the house allows one to dream in peace.
- Gaston Bachelard

I think cinema, movies, and magic have always been closely associated.
The very earliest people who made film were magicians.
- Francis Ford Coppola

Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose
as a friend if he were a woman.
- Joseph Joubert

Thirty to 40 years ago, most financial decisions were fairly simple.
- Scott Cook

Both my mother and father were very supportive of any
career move any of us wanted to make.
- James Gandolfini

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.
- Thomas Fuller

An Edwardian lady in full dress was a wonder to behold,
and her preparations for viewing were awesome.
- William Manchester

Immense power is acquired by assuring yourself in your
secret reveries that you were born to control affairs.
- Andrew Carnegie

Most unhappiness comes from resisting life.
Occasionally, you have such a strong commitment
to changing the world order that it is worth
struggling against the flow of life.
But don't live your life as if each minor happening
were a matter of life and death.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In the 1960s we were fighting to be recognized as equals in the marketplace,
in marriage, in education and on the playing field.
It was a very exciting, rebellious time.
- Marlo Thomas

Family trips to Yellowstone and to what are now national parks in Southern Utah,
driving the primitive roads and cars of that day,
were real adventures.
- Paul D. Boyer

We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow

Forgive and give as if it were your last opportunity.
Love like there's no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love again.
- Max Lucado

I wouldn't hunt a person down for food.
But if he were already dead.
- Yasmine Bleeth

I regret not having had more time with my kids when they were growing up.
- Tina Turner

It is only when we truly know and understand
that we have a limited time on earth
and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up
that we will begin to live each day to the fullest,
as if it were the only one we had.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Today the world changes so quickly that in growing
up we take leave not just of youth but of the world we were young in.
- Peter Medawar

Everything is blooming most recklessly;
if it were voices instead of colors,
there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.
- Rainer Maria Rilke


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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