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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Woman Quotes
Funny Quotes about Woman

Let these funny Woman Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
- Walt Disney

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a
man is when he is a baby.
- Natalie Wood

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days


 

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you;
she is after your barn.
- Hesiod

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken


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Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
- Jim Carrey

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms
of a woman without also falling into her hands.
- Jerry Lewis

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

A particularly beautiful woman is a source of terror.
As a rule, a beautiful woman is a terrible disappointment.
- Carl Jung

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
- John Lennon

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth -
look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity,
and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus
could be intended for enjoyment.
- Soren Kierkegaard

It doesn't matter how long my hair is
or what color my skin is
or whether I'm a woman or a man.
- John Lennon

Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior.
- Socrates

A man never knows how to say goodbye;
a woman never knows when to say it.
- Helen Rowland

A father is always making his baby into a little woman.
And when she is a woman he turns her back again.
- Enid Bagnold

I design for the woman who loves being a woman.
- Diane von Furstenberg

The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman.
- Chanakya

Trust no friend without faults, and love a woman,
but no angel.
- Doris Lessing

The real ornament of woman is her character, her purity.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A woman has to be intelligent, have charm,
a sense of humor, and be kind.
It's the same qualities I require from a man.
- Catherine Deneuve

A woman can take care of the family.
It takes a man to provide structure,
to provide stability.
- Tom DeLay

There is a woman at the begining of all great things.
- Alphonse de Lamartine

Marriage, for a woman at least, hampers the two things
that made life to me glorious -
friendship and learning.
- Jane Harrison

I met an American woman and got married so I had to get a job.
- Walter Wager

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and
dissected at least one woman.
- Honore de Balzac

What motivated me? My mother.
My mother was an immigrant woman, a peasant woman,
struggled all her life, worked in the garment center.
- Al Lewis

A woman can plan when to have her family and how to support a family.
- Kathleen Turner

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
- Virginia Woolf

A woman should be home with the children,
building that home and making sure there's a secure family atmosphere.
- Mel Gibson

To be successful, a woman has to be much better at her job than a man.
- Golda Meir

A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
- Christopher Morley

The woman is uniformly sacrificed to the wife and mother.
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you.
- Adlai E. Stevenson

A married woman has the same right to control her own
body as does an unmarried woman.
- Sol Wachtler

I concentrate on exercises from the waist down,
since that is the laziest part of a woman's body.
- Tina Louise

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's
birthday but never remembers her age.
- Robert Frost

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take
the first pill that comes along.
- Joyce Brothers

I don't need plastic in my body to validate me as a woman.
- Courtney Love

A woman's life can really be a succession of lives,
each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge,
and each marked off by some intense experience.
- Wallis Simpson

A woman who thinks she is intelligent demands the same rights as man.
An intelligent woman gives up.
- Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

Any woman who understands the problems of running a
home will be nearer to understanding the problems of running a country.
- Margaret Thatcher

A family can develop only with a loving woman as its center.
- Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid
pregnancy by a resort to mathematics,
though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
- H. L. Mencken

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices
unless she hasn't done it.
- Evan Esar

A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find
a woman I don't like and give her a house.
- Lewis Grizzard

A liberal is a man or a woman or a child who looks forward to a better day,
a more tranquil night, and a bright,
infinite future.
- Leonard Bernstein

A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.
- George Meredith

Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic.
- Rosalind Russell

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
- Ambrose Bierce

When virtue and modesty enlighten her charms,
the lustre of a beautiful woman is brighter than the stars of heaven,
and the influence of her power it is in vain to resist.
- Akhenaton

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman giving all your love to just one man.
- Tammy Wynette

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family,
she has a good right to them.
- Josh Billings

The man in our society is the breadwinner;
the woman has enough to do as the homemaker,
wife and mother.
- Dorothy Fields

Whoever has trusted a woman has trusted deceivers.
- Hesiod

Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose
as a friend if he were a woman.
- Joseph Joubert


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