Facebook share Tweet This Email this
If a man does his best, what else is there?
- George S. Patton
Never tell people how to do things.
Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
- George S. Patton
It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton
Watch what people are cynical about,
and one can often discover what they lack.
- George S. Patton
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery
as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man.
All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are,
the more they are frightened.
- George S. Patton
Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past
have coped with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable.
- George S. Patton
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Thank you for visiting: If a man does his best, what else is there? ... by George S. Patton.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.