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Funny Men Quotes
Funny Quotes about Men

Let these funny Men Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous


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Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde


 

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein

It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
- Leonardo da Vinci

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Marilyn Monroe

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men.
- Robert E. Lee

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

The revelation of thought takes men
out of servitude into freedom.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau

It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

Every kind of peaceful cooperation among men
is primarily based on mutual trust
and only secondarily on institutions
such as courts of justice and police.
- Albert Einstein

It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson

I look only to the good qualities of men.
Not being faultless myself,
I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

More men fail through lack of purpose than lack of talent.
- Billy Sunday

There is a natural aristocracy among men.
The grounds of this are virtue and talents.
- Thomas Jefferson

Difficulties show men what they are.
In case of any difficulty,
remember that God has pitted you
against a rough antagonist
that you may be a conqueror,
and this cannot be without toil.
- Epictetus

Just as a candle cannot burn without fire,
men cannot live without a spiritual life.
- The Buddha

A nation or civilization that
continues to produce soft-minded men
purchases its own spiritual death
on the installment plan.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong

Instead of noblemen,
let us have noble villages of men.
- Henry David Thoreau

Either war is obsolete, or men are.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste
that they hurry past it.
- Soren Kierkegaard

These men ask for just the same thing,
fairness, and fairness only.
This, so far as in my power,
they, and all others, shall have.
- Abraham Lincoln

The highest proof of the spirit is love.
Love is the eternal thing which men can already
on earth possess as it really is.
- Albert Schweitzer

We know but a few men, a great many coats and breeches.
- Henry David Thoreau

In the long run, men hit only what they aim at.
Therefore, they had better aim at something high.
- Henry David Thoreau

Timid men prefer the calm of despotism
to the tempestuous sea of liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wise men put their trust in ideas
and not in circumstances
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Real friendships among men are so rare
that when they occur they are famous.
- Clarence Day

We must make it clear that a platform
of "I hate gay men and women'
is not a way to become president of the United States.
- Jimmy Carter

Man becomes great exactly in the degree
in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Men are born to succeed, not to fail.
- Henry David Thoreau

Men of lofty genius,
when they are doing the least work,
are most active.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Good men must not obey the laws too well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Men and women are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Truth is the property of no individual
but is the treasure of all men.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The politician in my country seeks votes,
affection and respect, in that order.
With few notable exceptions,
they are simply men who want to be loved.
- Edward R. Murrow

The history of free men is never really written by chance
but by choice; their choice!
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Habits age men before their time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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