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Funny Men Quotes
Funny Quotes about Men

Let these funny Men Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

All men are equal before fish.
- Herbert Hoover


 

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous


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Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
- Leonardo da Vinci

It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein

The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Men and women belong to different species and communications
between them is still in its infancy.
- Bill Cosby

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Marilyn Monroe

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

Every kind of peaceful cooperation among men
is primarily based on mutual trust
and only secondarily on institutions
such as courts of justice and police.
- Albert Einstein

My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men.
- Robert E. Lee

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard

It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson

Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland

I look only to the good qualities of men.
Not being faultless myself,
I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau

The revelation of thought takes men
out of servitude into freedom.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

Instead of noblemen,
let us have noble villages of men.
- Henry David Thoreau

All men are children, and of one family.
The same tale sends them all to bed,
and wakes them in the morning.
- Henry David Thoreau

Great hopes make great men.
- Thomas Fuller

Let no one weep for me, or celebrate my funeral with mourning;
for I still live,
as I pass to and fro through the mouths of men.
- Quintus Ennius

Forgive, son; men are men; they needs must err.
- Euripides

Wise men make more opportunities than they find.
- Francis Bacon

To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.
- Abraham Lincoln

Men and women are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery
as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man.
All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are,
the more they are frightened.
- George S. Patton

It is possible to provide security against other ills,
but as far as death is concerned, we men live in a city without walls.
- Epicurus

All men of action are dreamers.
- James Huneker

Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong

Behind an able man there are always other able men.
- Chinese proverb

Men in general judge more from
appearances than from reality. All
men have eyes, but few have
the gift of penetration.
- Niccolo Machiavelli

The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.
Mere tolerance has given place to a sentiment of brotherhood
between sincere men of all denominations.
- Helen Keller

Ironically, women who acquire power are more likely
to be criticized for it than are the men who have always had it.
- Carolyn Heilbrun

Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark;
and as that natural fear in children is increased by tales,
so is the other.
- Francis Bacon

Men trust their ears less than their eyes.
- Herodotus

When men are easy in their circumstances,
they are naturally enemies to innovations.
- Joseph Addison

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton

The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.
- Charles de Gaulle

The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do.
- B. F. Skinner

Baseball players are smarter than football players.
How often do you see a baseball team penalized for
too many men on the field?
- Jim Bouton

Experience is the only prophecy of wise men.
- Alphonse de Lamartine

Trust men and they will be true to you;
treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


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