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Let these funny Fuss Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
People make a big fuss over you when you're President.
But I'm very serious about doing everything I can
to make sure that it doesn't go to my head.
- Jimmy Carter
Man can never know the kind of loneliness a woman knows.
Man lies in a woman's womb only to gather strength,
he nourishes himself from this fusion,
and then he rises and goes into the world,
into his work, into battle, into art.
He is not lonely. He is busy.
The memory of the swim in amniotic fluid gives him energy, completion.
The woman may be busy too, but she feels empty.
Sensuality for her is not only a wave of pleasure
in which she has bathed,
and a charge of electric joy at contact with another.
When man lies in her womb, she is fulfilled,
each act of love a a taking of man within her,
an act of birth and rebirth, of child-bearing and man-bearing.
Man lies in her womb and is reborn each time anew
with a desire to act, to BE.
But for woman, the climax is not in the birth,
but in the moment the man rests inside of her.
- Anais Nin
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
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A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.