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Funny World Quotes
Funny Quotes about World

Let these funny World Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
- Kevin James

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain


 

The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill


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My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy,
that the world owes the world more than the world can pay.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
- Yogi Berra

We must become the change we wish to see in the world.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Let there be peace on earth.
And let it begin with me.
- Jill Jackson Miller

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
- Albert Einstein

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll

Today is a day to honor other cultures.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Say NO to the demands of the world.
Say YES to the longings of your own heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

By letting it go it all gets done.
The world is won by those who let it go.
But when you try and try.
The world is beyond the winning.
- Lao Tzu

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
- Oscar Wilde

Distance does not decide who is your brother and who is not.
- Bono

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Just when the caterpillar thought
the world was over, it became a butterfly.
- Anonymous

The cleansing fire of Spirit
consumes the troubles of this world.
Feed your concerns to the fire.
Breathe deeply and rejoice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am not the same having seen the moon shine
on the other side of the world.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Choose the World You See,
and See the World You Choose.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I say NO to the demands of the world.
I say YES to the longings of my own heart.
There is nothing I ever need to have.
There is nothing I ever need to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

A Single Generosity Enlarges the World.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell

The hope of a secure and livable world
lies with disciplined nonconformists
who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill

Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If we cannot now end our differences,
at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
- John F. Kennedy

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Falling out of love is very enlightening.
For a short while you see the world with new eyes.
- Iris Murdoch

Self-pity is our worst enemy
and if we yield to it,
we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller

No one can find inner peace except by working,
not in a self-centered way, but for the whole human family.
- Peace Pilgrim

The world is a mirror for anger,
which returns to its source as burning torment.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The greatest challenge ...
is not the exploring of the mysteries of the outer space,
but the developing of the millions of God's forgotten children,
the developing peoples of the world,
so they can become our equal
and full partners to build a better world -
a world of freedom and brotherhood.
- Jimmy Yen

The main goal of the future is to stop violence.
The world is addicted to it.
- Bill Cosby

Pain is what the world inflicts upon us.
Suffering is our emotional reaction when we fail
to make the difficult conscious choice to choose Joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal.
As spirits they belong to the eternal world,
but as animals they inhabit time.
- C. S. Lewis

The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller

This world is but a canvas to our imagination.
- Henry David Thoreau

There are people in the world so hungry,
that God cannot appear to them
except in the form of bread.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Misery nourishes your ego -
that's why you see so many miserable people in the world.
The basic, central point is the ego.
- Osho

I'd rather see the world from another angle
- Jewel

Hardly a man in the world has an opinion
upon morals, political, or religion
which he got otherwise than
through his associations and sympathies.
- Mark Twain

There was a time when a man was so convinced
that the world was round
that he was determined to prove it.
- Ernest Holmes

There is more hunger for love and appreciation
in this world than for bread.
- Mother Teresa

May your life always be Counterpoint to the Clamor of the World.
May you delight in Dancing Lightly With Life.
May you soar on eagle wings, high above the madness of the world.
May you always sing Melody in the Symphony of Your Life.
May you taste, smell, and touch your dreams of a beautiful tomorrow.
May your sun always shine, and your sky be forever blue.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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