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Let these funny Diet Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
He who takes medicine and neglects his diet
wastes the skill of his doctors.
- Chinese Proverb
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words,
and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.
- Winston Churchill
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
The walls we build around us to
keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn
The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought,
and attended to my answer.
- Henry David Thoreau
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that
they can grow separately without growing apart.
- Elisabeth Foley
The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung
The easiest kind of friendship for me
is with ten thousand people.
The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez
The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which
it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters.
- Thomas Jefferson
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I never found a companion that was
so companionable as solitude.
- Henry David Thoreau
Love is the only force capable of
transforming an enemy into friend.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A friend knows the song in my heart
and sings it to me when my memory fails.
- Donna Roberts
You only meet your once in a lifetime friend ...
once in a lifetime.
- Little Rascals
A friend is a present you give yourself.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out
- Walter Winchell
In my friend, I find a second self.
- Isabel Norton
You are my friend when you can guard my failure,
challenge my thought and celebrate my success.
- Anonymous
Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.
- Henry David Thoreau
Everyone has a "best friend" during each stage of life,
but only a precious few have the same one.
- Anonymous
It takes a long time to grow an old friend.
- John Leonard
The best friend is the man who in wishing me well
wishes it for my sake.
- Anonymous
I own that I am not a friend to a very energetic government.
It is always oppressive.
- Thomas Jefferson
We can never replace a friend.
When a man is fortunate enough to have several,
he finds they are all different.
No one has a double in friendship.
- Johann Schiller
When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
- Latin Proverb
If I mayn't tell you what I feel,
what is the use of a friend?
- William Makepeace Thackeray
When it hurts to look back,
and you're scared to look ahead,
you can look beside you
and your best friend will be there.
- Anonymous
The only thing to do is to hug one's friend tight and do one's job.
- Edith Wharton
A friend is someone who understands my past,
believes in my future,
and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
- Henry Ford
Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.
- Albert Camus
What is a friend? I will tell you ...
it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
- Frank Crane
The good man is the friend of all living things.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A brother is a friend given by Nature.
- Jean Baptiste Legouve
Throw your dreams into space like a kite,
and you do not know what it will bring back,
a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.
- Anais Nin
A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering
There is danger that we lose sight of
what our friend is absolutely,
while considering what she is to us alone.
- Henry David Thoreau
A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10
In everyone's life, at some time,
our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame
by an encounter with another human being.
We should all be thankful for those people
who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer
An insincere and evil friend is more
to be feared than a wild beast;
a wild beast may wound your body,
but an evil friend will wound your mind.
- The Buddha
A best friend is like a four leaf clover,
hard to find and lucky to have.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.