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Let these funny Crank Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
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Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa
The moment a person forms a theory,
his imagination sees in every object
only the traits which favor that theory.
- Thomas Jefferson
It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The person who you're with most in life is yourself
and if you don't like yourself,
you're always with somebody you don't like.
- Marc S. Lewis
Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Jealousy is that pain which a man feels
from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved
by the person whom he entirely loves.
- Joseph Addison
The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
An unclean person is universally a slothful one.
- Henry David Thoreau
Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous
A competent and self-confident person is
incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.
- Carl Jung
No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us
what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singe
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
- Jerome Blattner
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
At times our own light goes out
and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude
of those who have lighted the flame within us.
- Albert Schweitzer
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,
always with the same person.
- Germaine Greer
To dream of the person you would like to be
is to waste the person you are.
- Anonymous
A person without a sense of humor
is like a wagon without springs.
It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
- Henry Ward Beecher
You never really understand a person
until you consider things from his point of view.
- Harper Lee
Don't marry the person you think you can live with;
marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
- James C. Dobson
If you don't take full responsibility
for your own happiness,
who do you suppose will?
Your happiness is a one person job -
it begins and ends with you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best effort of a fine person
is felt after we have left their presence.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The difference between a successful person and others
is not a lack of strength,
not a lack of knowledge,
but rather a lack of will.
- Vince Lombardi
Do not wait for leaders;
do it alone, person to person.
- Mother Teresa
Important ideas can come from unexpected places.
We tend to label people - Genius, Idiot,
Socialist, Regressive, Wingnut, Revolutionary, Terrorist.
But it is helpful to remind ourselves to be open
to good ideas - whatever their source.
It is equally important to avoid accepting any idea
merely because we respect that person's
other ideas or accomplishments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For everything observed or experienced,
each of us creates a "story" - not sometimes, but always.
A "story" is the fiction a person tells themselves
about what has happened or is happening.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.
- Anonymous
About leadership: No person can be a great leader
unless he takes genuine joy
in the successes of those under him.
- W. A. Nance
A sense of humor... is needed armor.
Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips
is a sign that the person down deep
has a pretty good grasp of life.
- Hugh Sidey
What is necessary to change a person is
to change his awareness of himself.
- Abraham Maslow
When a person doesn't have gratitude,
something is missing in his or her humanity.
A person can almost be defined by
his or her attitude toward gratitude.
- Elie Wiesel
Every time you smile at someone,
it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
- Mother Teresa
What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman
in the midst of this world,
where each person is clinging to his piece of debris?
What's the proper salutation between people
as they pass each other in this flood?
- The Buddha
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself -
and you are the easiest person to fool.
- Richard Feynman
Never allow a person to tell you NO
who doesn't have the power to say YES.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The highest reward for a person's toil
is not what they get for it,
but what they become by it.
- John Ruskin
I have never met an aggressive person
who wasn't a fearful person.
- John Bradshaw
Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As a happy person, you radiate happiness to the world.
Visualize your light radiating throughout the world,
passing from person to person until it encircles the globe.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything.
And that is by making the other person want to do it.
- Dale Carnegie
Difficulties are things that show a person what he is.
- Epictetus
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.