Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Buy Quotes
Funny Quotes about Buy

Let these funny Buy Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year.
I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
- Claude Pepper

Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries
of a large research staff to study the problem.
- Bill Vaughan

I buy expensive suits.
They just look cheap on me.
- Warren Buffett

Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan


 

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

People will buy anything that is 'one to a customer.'
- Sinclair Lewis

There's a saying.
If you want someone to love you forever,
buy a dog, feed it and keep it around.
- Dick Dale

Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul.
- Henry David Thoreau

And I believe that the best buy in public health today
must be a combination of regular physical exercise and a healthy diet.
- Julie Bishop

I often buy myself presents.
Sometimes I will spend $100,000 in one day in a posh boutique.
- Celine Dion

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
- Kinky Friedman

No illusion is more crucial than the illusion that
great success and huge money buy you immunity from
the common ills of mankind,
such as cars that won't start.
- Larry McMurtry

If you want to feel rich,
just count all of the things you have that money can't buy.
- Anonymous

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one.
So I got a cake.
- Mitch Hedberg

If you want to read about love and marriage,
you've got to buy two separate books.
- Alan King

I buy when other people are selling.
- J. Paul Getty

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good
stock and hold it till it goes up,
then sell it.
If it don't go up, don't buy it.
- Will Rogers

I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the
time I get home they'll be ripe.
- Ryan Stiles

The way to make money is to buy when blood is running in the streets.
- John D. Rockefeller

Maybe a person's time would be as well spent raising
food as raising money to buy food.
- Frank Howard Clark

I'm not buddy-buddy with the players.
If they need a buddy, let them buy a dog.
- Whitey Herzog

The Internet is a powerful way to make lots of money...
But we are not going to buy Yahoo!
- Sumner Redstone

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.
Cleverness is mere opinion, bewilderment is intuition.
- Rumi

See, what you're meant to do when you have a mid-life
crisis is buy a fast car,
aren't you? Well, I've always had fast cars.
It's not that.
It's the fear that you're past your best.
It's the fear that the stuff you've done in the past is your best work.
- Robbie Coltrane

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged;
it makes me think that the chef is spending too much
time arranging and not enough time cooking.
If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
- Andy Rooney

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress
women was to own a hot car.
But women wised up and realized it was better to buy
their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.
- Scott Adams

I was going to buy a book on hair loss,
but the pages kept falling out.
- Jay London

Money doesn't buy class.
- Kiana Tom

There's one site where you can buy pictures of me for five bucks a pop.
- Nicholas Lea

I've had lots of kids come up and ask for my autograph,
I've had a grandmother stop me and ask me if I know
a good place to buy underwear.
- Prince William

I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.
- Jackie Gleason

A friend you have to buy won't be worth what you pay for him.
- George Dennison Prentice

And looking at today's music scene, I think it's cool
that there are a lot of consumers and fans not limited
by what radio and the record companies tell them to buy.
- Juice Newton

If you think the products don't match what you want from a product,
don't buy it.
- Donald Norman

I have found that many other countries will buy off on anything American.
As much as they hate us, they want to be us more than anything.
- April Winchell

It's not just that families can't buy a home or start
a business without some savings tucked away.
- Jim Cooper

To buy books would be a good thing if we also could
buy the time to read them.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

To wait for hours to buy a train ticket or to see a
doctor is accepted as a normal way of doing things.
Privacy is not a great preoccupation,
and this is a very crowded country.
- Nancy Travis

Unfortunately, overall, movies are a conglomerate.
People buy and sell people in this business,
which can get really ugly.
- Laura Dern

We live in an age when it is cheaper to buy the rights
to movies than to make them.
- Hayao Miyazaki

If I win and get the money, then the Oakland Police
department is going to buy a boys' home,
me a house, my family a house, and a Stop Police Brutality Center.
- Tupac Shakur

I was also interested in chemistry, but my parents
were not willing to buy me a chemistry set.
- Martin Lewis Perl

House was the first film where I had no influence on the script.
I had to buy the script with the game rights.
- Uwe Boll

I believe in love, but I don't sit around waiting for it.
I buy houses.
- Renee Zellweger

Buy land.
They ain't making any more of the stuff.
- Will Rogers

When I get a little money I buy books;
and if any is left I buy food and clothes.
- Desiderius Erasmus

It doesn't do Costco any good if nobody can afford to buy anything.
- James Sinegal

The packaging has to really sell the product today,
because kids can go out and buy a CD and then 10 kids can burn them.
So you have to really be on your toes.
- Jerry Only

I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy;
Dear Jack,
Don't buy a single vote more than is necessary.
I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide.
- John F. Kennedy

You can no longer buy commodities at Merrill Lynch.
My guess is many analysts and even executives are too
young to know how profitable a hot commodities market can be.
They will soon.
- Jim Rogers

When the show is over we still have to pay our rent,
we have to buy food.
We have to do all the same things that you do.
- Jamie Farr

Modern man is frantically trying to earn enough to
buy things he's too busy to enjoy.
- Frank Howard Clark

The reality is we talk a lot about it,
but we really don't give everyone an opportunity to buy into it,
and this combines both the best of Republican and Democratic ideals.
- Harold Ford

For less than the cost of a Big Mac,
fries and a Coke,
you can buy a loaf of fresh bread and some good cheese or roast beef,
which you will enjoy much more.
- Steve Albini

If it looks good, you'll see it.
If it sounds good, you'll hear it.
If it's marketed right, you'll buy it.
But...
if it's real, you'll feel it.
- Kid Rock

I collect clothes - they keep building and building.
I buy them instead of having them washed.
- Juliette Lewis

What you can't buy is the loyalty that comes through
our dedicated crewmembers.
- David Neeleman

We believe the 36, nearly 40, billion pound discount
given for a right to buy houses took a million houses
out of the public housing sector which is desperately needed for rent.
- John Prescott

I still get the kids to the doctor and dentist and
plan their play dates and buy their clothes.
- Patricia Richardson

The first thing I did when I sold my book was buy a
new wedding ring for my wife and asked her to marry me all over again.
- Nicholas Sparks

I was going to buy a van and move to LA so I could
secretly pursue acting without any of my friends knowing.
- Steve Buscemi

I got tired of different drum sounds so you buy different
effects for more manipulation.
- Ikue Mori

It isn't as important to buy as cheap as possible as
it is to buy at the right time.
- Jesse Livermore

So mightiest powers buy deepest calms are fed,
And sleep, how oft, in things that gentlest be!
- Barry Cornwall

If a product is more expensive than another one,
and more sustainable in ecology, consumers will not buy it.
- Jean Claude

People don't buy from clowns.
- Claude C. Hopkins

Almost the first thing I did when I became ill was
to buy a truly good television set.
- Harold Brodkey


Thank you for visiting: Funny Buy Quotes - Funny Quotes about Buy.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.