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Let these funny Unholy Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I have been all things unholy.
If God can work through me, he can work through anyone.
- St. Francis of Assisi
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin
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The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation
It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein
Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)
While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau
The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell
For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these, "It might have been.
- John Greenleaf Whittier
Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The wish for healing has always been half of health.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy
between the genius and his human qualities
that one has to ask oneself whether
a little less talent might not have been better.
- Carl Jung
No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
- Satchel Paige
The road to perdition has ever been
accompanied by lip service to an ideal.
- Albert Einstein
Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
- Khalil Gibran
One never notices what has been done;
one can only see what remains to be done.
- Marie Curie
Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
An "always been" does not mean I must choose "what must be."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Love like you've never been hurt,
dance like no one is watching,
live as though heaven is on earth.
- Satchel Paige
But for my faith in God, I should have been a raving maniac.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I was only the servant of my country and had I, at any moment,
failed to express her unflinching resolve to fight and conquer,
I should at once have been rightly cast aside.
- Winston Churchill
It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government,
except all the others that have been tried.
- Winston Churchill
I have always been regretting that
I was not as wise as the day I was born.
- Henry David Thoreau
A faith that hasn't been tested can't be trusted.
- Adrian Rogers
It is useless for us to attempt to reason a man
out of a thing he has never been reasoned into.
- Jonathan Swift
Love comes to those who still hope
even though they've been disappointed,
to those who still believe
even though they've been betrayed,
to those who still love
even though they've been hurt before.
- Anonymous
NO ONE has been granted the authority to tell me
how my life should be lived.
I answer only to myself and to Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is never too late to become what you might have been.
- George Eliot
He who would pass his declining years with honor and comfort,
should, when young, consider that he may one day become old,
and remember when he is old, that he has once been young.
- Joseph Addison
Anger is a killing thing:
it kills the man who angers,
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before -
it takes something from him.
- Louis L'Amour
All life is change.
Release your attachment to the way things have been,
and wend your way joyfully
through life's unfolding majesty.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
God, as Truth, has been for me a treasure beyond price.
May He be so to every one of us.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Never has there been a good war or a bad peace.
- Benjamin Franklin
Sing like no one's listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like nobody's watching,
and live like its heaven on earth.
- Mark Twain
My experience has been that work is
almost the best way to pull oneself out of the depths.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Footprints in the sand...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Pay attention.
Don't let resentments or pessimism answer for you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When we come into the present,
we begin to feel the life around us again,
but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding.
We must have the courage to face whatever is present -
our pain, our desires, our grief,
our loss, our secret hopes our love -
everything that moves us most deeply.
- Jack Kornfield
If the tongue had not been framed for articulation,
man would still be a beast in the forest.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche
that must have been left behind in the Sixties,
that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal.
- John Lennon
For once you have tasted flight
you will walk the earth
with your eyes turned skywards,
for there you have been
and there you will long to return.
- Leonardo da Vinci
No one has been barred on account of his race
from fighting or dying for America,
there are no white or colored signs
on the foxholes or graveyards of battle.
- John F. Kennedy
I have compassion for everyone who has ever
been a player upon the stage of my life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To have done anything just for money
is to have been truly idle.
- Henry David Thoreau
Like a Butterfly, I have been Reborn
with Bold Colors and Strong Wings.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Form follows function - that has been misunderstood.
Form and function should be one, joined in a spiritual union.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The highest thinkers of the ages,
the seers of the tribes and the nations,
have been optimists.
- Helen Keller
While I thought that I was learning how to live,
I have been learning how to die.
- Leonardo da Vinci
My theory has always been, that if we are to dream,
the flatteries of hope are as cheap, and pleasanter,
than the gloom of despair.
- Thomas Jefferson
I accept everything that ever has been,
with no regrets, no resentments, and no call for vengeance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What is a weed? A plant whose virtues
have never been discovered.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Re-examine all that you have been told...
dismiss that which insults your soul.
- Walt Whitman
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.