Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain




Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Off Quotes
Funny Quotes about Off

Let these funny Off Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain


 

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- widely misattributed to Mark Twain

I love the rain - it washes memories
off the sidewalk of life.
- the movie Play It Again, Sam

Life is a dangerous - ultimately fatal - endeavor,
so you may as well live it full out.
Chart your course, cast off the lines,
and boldly sail the seas of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Life is like an onion:
you peel it off one layer at a time,
and sometimes you weep.
- Carl Sandburg

Relax. Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's stasis that kills you off in the end, not ambition.
- Bono

For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects
and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela

Obstacles are things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.
- E. Joseph Cossman

Hard work pays off.
- Anonymous

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed
off their earthly pedestals.
- Agnes Repplier

Real beauty knocks you a little bit off kilter.
- David Byrne

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first.
By the second day you're off it.
- Jackie Gleason

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

Clocks slay time...
time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels;
only when the clock stops does time come to life.
- William Faulkner

When the water starts boiling
it is foolish to turn off the heat.
- Nelson Mandela

Obstacles are those frightful things
you see when you take your eyes off your goals.
- Henry Ford

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
- Auguste Rodin

Some things cannot be spoken or discovered until
we have been stuck, incapacitated,
or blown off course for awhile.
- David Whyte

Old age, believe me, is a good and pleasant thing.
It is true you are gently shouldered off the stage,
but then you are given such a comfortable front stall as spectator.
- Confucius

Everyone who's ever taken a shower has an idea.
It's the person who gets out of the shower,
dries off and does something about it who makes a difference.
- Nolan Bushnell

We occasionally stumble over the truth
but most of us pick ourselves up and
hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- Winston Churchill

Non-violence is not a garment to be put on and off at will.
Its seat is in the heart,
and it must be an inseparable part of our being.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Wholeness is not achieved by cutting off
a portion of one's being,
but by integration of the contraries.
- Carl Jung

You can't sweep other people off their feet,
if you can't be swept off your own.
- Clarence Day

Men occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- Winston Churchill

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet
off the ground and won't stand still.
- Calvin Trillin

Lose not yourself in a far off time,
seize the moment that is thine.
- Friedrich Schiller

The only way you get that fat off is to eat less and exercise more.
- Jack LaLanne

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about,
he goes off and gets married.
- Robert Frost

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world.
If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off.
- Bill Veeck

Harmony with land is like harmony with a friend;
you cannot cherish his right hand and chop off his left.
- Aldo Leopold

When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed.
I told my dad, and he solved the problem quickly.
He cut the legs off the bed.
- Lou Brock

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
- Thomas Jefferson
(also attributed to Benjamin Franklin and Lord Chesterfield)

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time
he bites off more than he can chew.
- Herb Caen

The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.
- Pablo Picasso

Secretly, I wanted to look like Jimi Hendrix,
but I could never quite pull it off.
- Bryan Ferry

But my passion is racing cars.
It's what I like to do in my off time.
- Mark-Paul Gosselaar

I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color
purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it.
- Alice Walker

And you know, the baby boomers are getting older,
and those off the rack clothes are just not fitting right any longer,
and so, tailor-made suits are coming back into fashion.
- Amy Irving

Only put off until tomorrow
what you are willing to die having left undone.
- Pablo Picasso

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without
and know we cannot live within.
- James A. Baldwin

When words leave off, music begins.
- Heinrich Heine

Government "help" to business is just as disastrous
as government persecution...
the only way a government can be of service to national
prosperity is by keeping its hands off.
- Ayn Rand

A woman's life can really be a succession of lives,
each revolving around some emotionally compelling situation or challenge,
and each marked off by some intense experience.
- Wallis Simpson

Love takes up where knowledge leaves off.
- Thomas Aquinas

Getting information off the Internet is like taking
a drink from a fire hydrant.
- Mitchell Kapor

Great talents are the most lovely
and often the most dangerous
fruits on the tree of humanity.
They hang upon the most slender twigs
that are easily snapped off.
- Carl Jung

The wise man looks back into the past,
and does not grieve over what is far off,
nor rejoice over what is near;
for he knows that time is without end.
- Lao Tzu

What you don't do daily, you probably won't do weekly either.
What you make a habit of putting-off
just keeps getting pushed away again and again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My motto was always to keep swinging.
Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field,
the only thing to do was keep swinging.
- Hank Aaron

Competition has been shown to be useful
up to a certain point and no further,
but cooperation, which is the thing we must strive for today,
begins where competition leaves off.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

If something is important to you,
attend to it immediately, and regularly.
If something is not really important to you,
that's great also -
just scratch it off your to-do list forever,
and never worry about it again.
Choose how you invest your time, and honor your choices.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

First, wash all car. Then wax. Wax on...
Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand. Wax on, wax off.
Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. Wax on, wax off.
Don't forget to breathe, very important.
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf.
I have never been depressed enough to take up the game,
but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
- Will Rogers

Once you have seen the truth
you must make the decision to let go
of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to.
This requires you to take action.
If you are attached to your pain, resentment,
and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions,
this will be a difficult step for you.
Taking action requires letting go of the very thing
you have been holding on to for so many years.
There is comfort in what we find familiar,
even if we are experiencing pain and suffering.
The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek.
It takes absolute faith in yourself
plus courage, will, and discipline to let go.
But once you let go, it will be as if
the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders.
In this process it is important to forgive
not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves.
For most people, giving ourselves
the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power,
have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing government,
and form a new one that suits them better.
This is a most valuable - a most sacred right -
a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate the world.
- Abraham Lincoln

The mind, in proportion as it is cut off from free
communication with nature,
with revelation, with God, with itself,
loses its life, just as the body droops when debarred
from the air and the cheering light from heaven.
- William Ellery Channing

We criticize mothers for closeness.
We criticize fathers for distance.
How many of us have expected less from our fathers
and appreciated what they gave us more? How many of
us always let them off the hook?
- Ellen Goodman

The good news is that you aren't
as important as you thought you were.
Relax. The weight of the world
is not on your shoulders.
Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If a man walks in the woods for love of them half of each day,
he is in danger of being regarded as a loafer.
But if he spends his days as a speculator,
shearing off those woods and making the earth bald before her time,
he is deemed an industrious and enterprising citizen.
- Henry David Thoreau

It's a great mistake, I think, to put children off
with falsehoods and nonsense,
when their growing powers of observation and discrimination
excite in them a desire to know about things.
- Anne Sullivan

Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature
is that all of us tend to put off living.
We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over
the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are
blooming outside our windows today.
- Dale Carnegie

You're better off betting on a horse than betting on a man.
A horse may not be able to hold you tight,
but he doesn't wanna wander from the stable at night.
- Betty Grable

I started off with the really funky stuff like Ramsey Lewis,
Milt Jackson, Kenny Burrell.
- Robert Quine

Everybody has forgotten about showmanship.
People don't look like rock stars any more.
They just look like regular dudes off the street.
- Vince Neil

It was between the ages of 14 and 20 and I started off not eating at all,
maybe an apple a day.
- Torrie Wilson


Thank you for visiting: Funny Off Quotes - Funny Quotes about Off.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.