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Funny Hypochondriac Quotes
Funny Quotes about Hypochondriac

Let these funny Hypochondriac Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower


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He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken


 

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln

Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)

Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell

For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these, "It might have been.
- John Greenleaf Whittier

Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau

No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
- Satchel Paige

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
- Khalil Gibran

BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler

Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton

The road to perdition has ever been
accompanied by lip service to an ideal.
- Albert Einstein

Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The wish for healing has always been half of health.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

One never notices what has been done;
one can only see what remains to be done.
- Marie Curie

Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy
between the genius and his human qualities
that one has to ask oneself whether
a little less talent might not have been better.
- Carl Jung

Anthropology demands the open-mindedness
with which one must look and listen,
record in astonishment
and wonder that which one would not have been able to guess.
- Margaret Mead

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues
have never been discovered.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I accept everything that ever has been,
with no regrets, no resentments, and no call for vengeance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Education is what survives when
what has been learned has been forgotten.
- B. F. Skinner

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government,
except all the others that have been tried.
- Winston Churchill

My experience has been that work is
almost the best way to pull oneself out of the depths.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Love like you've never been hurt,
dance like no one is watching,
live as though heaven is on earth.
- Satchel Paige

It is useless for us to attempt to reason a man
out of a thing he has never been reasoned into.
- Jonathan Swift

You have not been abandoned.
You are never alone, except by your own choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One may as well dam for water tanks
the people's cathedrals and churches,
for no holier temple has ever
been consecrated by the heart of man.
- John Muir

If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche
that must have been left behind in the Sixties,
that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal.
- John Lennon

When we quarrel, how we wish we had been blameless.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Calm provides clarity. Pause to consider
the gifts you have been given,
the difference you have made
and the direction in which you are headed.
- Anonymous

Most of the important things in the world
have been accomplished by people
who have kept on trying
when there seemed to be no hope at all.
- Dale Carnegie

It is never too late to become what you might have been.
- George Eliot

For once you have tasted flight
you will walk the earth
with your eyes turned skywards,
for there you have been
and there you will long to return.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Some things cannot be spoken or discovered until
we have been stuck, incapacitated,
or blown off course for awhile.
- David Whyte

Footprints in the sand...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Pay attention.
Don't let resentments or pessimism answer for you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When we come into the present,
we begin to feel the life around us again,
but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding.
We must have the courage to face whatever is present -
our pain, our desires, our grief,
our loss, our secret hopes our love -
everything that moves us most deeply.
- Jack Kornfield

A faith that hasn't been tested can't be trusted.
- Adrian Rogers

I often regret that I have spoken;
never that I have been silent.
- Publilius Syrus

Your innermost core has always been pure.
Purity is intrinsic to you,
it cannot be taken away.
- Osho

When we got into office, the thing
that surprised me most
was to find that things were just as bad
as we'd been saying they were.
- John F. Kennedy

An "always been" does not mean I must choose "what must be."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Time has been transformed, and we have changed;
it has advanced and set us in motion;
it has unveiled its face,
inspiring us with bewilderment and exhilaration.
- Khalil Gibran

On the ordinary view of each species
having been independently created,
we gain no scientific explanation.
- Charles Darwin

Violent men have not been known in history to die to a man.
They die up to a point.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

My theory has always been, that if we are to dream,
the flatteries of hope are as cheap, and pleasanter,
than the gloom of despair.
- Thomas Jefferson

To have done anything just for money
is to have been truly idle.
- Henry David Thoreau

If the tongue had not been framed for articulation,
man would still be a beast in the forest.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never has there been a good war or a bad peace.
- Benjamin Franklin

What work I have done I have done because it has been play.
If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.
- Mark Twain

No one has been barred on account of his race
from fighting or dying for America,
there are no white or colored signs
on the foxholes or graveyards of battle.
- John F. Kennedy

My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

Form follows function - that has been misunderstood.
Form and function should be one, joined in a spiritual union.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Anger is a killing thing:
it kills the man who angers,
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before -
it takes something from him.
- Louis L'Amour


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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