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Let these funny Ross Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Most people give up just when
they're about to achieve success.
They quit on the one yard line.
They give up at the last minute of the game,
one foot from a winning touch down.
- Ross Perot
It is only when we truly know and understand
that we have a limited time on earth
and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up
that we will begin to live each day to the fullest,
as if it were the only one we had.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
People are like stained glass windows,
they sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when darkness sets in their true beauty
is revealed only if there is a light from within.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself,
and know that everything in life has purpose.
There are no mistakes, no coincidences,
all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Faith:
When you walk to the edge of all the light you have
and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown,
you must believe that one of two things will happen:
...
There will be something solid for you to stand upon,
or, you will be taught how to fly
- Patrick Overton - from his book of poems: The Leaning Tree, 1975
[Widely mis-attributed to Barbara J. Winter, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and others]
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
In boundless love as a Christian and as a man
I read through the passage which tells us
how the Lord at last rose in His might
and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple
the brood of vipers and of adders.
- Adolf Hitler
Like a Rose, I Thrive -
Blessed With Both My Thorns and My Blooms.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Thy Return is as another Sun to Heaven;
a new Rose blooming in the Garden of the Soul.
- Omar Khayyam
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet
- William Shakespeare
There is no neutrality.
There is only greater or lesser
awareness of one's bias.
- Phyllis Rose
A single rose can be my garden...
a single friend, my world.
- Leo Buscaglia
Oh my luve is like a red, red rose,
That's newly sprung in June:
Oh my luve is like the melodie,
That's sweetly play'd in tune.
- Robert Burns
Fame is the scentless sunflower, with gaudy crown of gold;
But friendship is the breathing rose, with sweets in every fold.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy
Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm,
but willing to draw blood in its defense.
- Mark Overby
Life is magnificent - just as it comes.
Life has no need for fancy clothes, or lipstick.
Life is no pig.
Our life is the greatest gift of all creation.
When we are unhappy with life -
when we are shocked by the stock market,
or dismayed by our choice of political candidates,
let us not lash out in anger.
But also, let us not try to pretty up life
with some lipstick and some party clothes.
See life clearly - no rose colored glasses -
and then CHOOSE to love life.
CHOOSE to be happy, be joyful, be grateful,
be forgiving of everyone and of every act
we believe has hurt us.
Life just "IS."
We get to CHOOSE our relationship with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Anyone can be passionate, but
it takes real lovers to be silly.
- Rose Franken
Truths and roses have thorns about them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
You're only here for a short visit.
So don't forget to stop and smell the roses.
- Walter Hagen
Who can suffer while roses bloom
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson
Most truths are so naked
that people feel sorry for them
and cover them up,
at least a little bit.
- Edward R. Murrow
All great truths begin as blasphemies.
- George Bernard Shaw
Our compassion and acts of selflessness
take us to the deeper truths.
- Amma
There are trivial truths and there are great truths.
The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false.
The opposite of a great truth is also true.
- Niels Bohr
All truths are easy to understand
once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
- Galileo Galilei
The personal life deeply lived
always expands into truths beyond itself.
- Anais Nin
Quotations help us remember the simple yet profound truths
that give life perspective and meaning.
- Criswell Freeman
We hold these truths to be self-evident:
that all men are created equal;
that they are endowed by their Creator
with certain unalienable rights;
that among these are life, liberty,
and the pursuit of happiness.
- Thomas Jefferson
When you are tempted to judge,
may you be reminded that we are ALL ONE,
and that every thought you think reverberates
across the universe touching everyone and everything.
- from the Simple Truths movie May You Be Blessed
I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions,
but laws and institutions must go hand in hand
with the progress of the human mind.
As that becomes more developed, more enlightened,
as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered
and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances,
institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times.
- Thomas Jefferson [inscribed in the Jefferson Memorial]
All endeavors which are directed to a purely worldly end,
contain within themselves the seeds of their own corruption.
- Theodore H. White
Any statement that is self-serving
is likely to contain untruths.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If one advances confidently
in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live
the life which he has imagined,
he will meet with success
unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau
Concern for man and his fate must always form
the chief interest of all technical endeavors.
Never forget this in the midst of your diagrams and equations.
- Albert Einstein
I have learned, that if one advances confidently
in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live the life he has imagined,
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
- Henry David Thoreau
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,
and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined,
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary;
new, universal, and more liberal laws
will begin to establish themselves around and within him;
or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor
in a more liberal sense,
and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.
- Henry David Thoreau
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.