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Funny Time Quotes
Funny Quotes about Time

Let these funny Time Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous


 

I have a new philosophy.
I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
- Charles M. Schulz

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a
man is when he is a baby.
- Natalie Wood

The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II


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I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale

That's my only goal.
Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone
has a good time and works hard.
- Joe Rogan

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time,
when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
- Marilyn vos Savant

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
- Sydney Harris

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu

No good comes from hurrying.
- Yiddish Proverb

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson

Time moves in one direction, memory in another.
- William Gibson

Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins

You will never find time for anything.
If you want time you must make it.
- Charles Buxton

There's time enough, but none to spare.
- Charles W. Chesnutt

Time is the wisest counsellor of all.
- Pericles

Clocks slay time...
time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels;
only when the clock stops does time come to life.
- William Faulkner

A time for work, a time for play -
balance in all things.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them.
- Dion Boucicault

It is my feeling that Time ripens all things;
with Time all things are revealed; Time is the father of truth.
- Francois Rabelais

Find a time and place of solitude.
Look into the distance, and into the future.
Visualize the tomorrow you are going to build -
and begin to build that tomorrow, today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Time is the school in which we learn,
time is the fire in which we burn.
- Delmore Schwartz

Work is hard.
Distractions are plentiful.
And time is short.
- Adam Hochschild

Both young children and old people have a lot of time on their hands.
That's probably why they get along so well.
- Jonathan Carroll

Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.
- William Penn

When in doubt, take more time.
- John Zimmerman

Time = Life, Therefore, waste your time and waste of your life,
or master your time and master your life.
- Alan Lakein

Time makes heroes but dissolves celebrities.
- Daniel J. Boorstin

Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.
- Faith Baldwin

I took some time out for life.
- James L. Brooks

Wisdom is the power to put our time and our knowledge to the proper use.
- Thomas J. Watson

The bad news is time flies.
The good news is you're the pilot.
- Michael Althsuler

If you don't have time to do it right,
when will you have time to do it over?
- John Wooden

Time goes, you say? Ah, no!
alas, time stays, we go.
- Henry Austin Dobson

Waste your money and you're only out of money,
but waste your time and you've lost a part of your life.
- Michael LeBoeuf

Time is the father of truth, its mother is our mind.
- Giordano Bruno

Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time does not change us.
It just unfolds us.
- Max Frisch

Know how to live the time that is given you.
- Dario Fo

There is only one time that is important - NOW!
It is the most important time because
it is the only time that we have any power.
- Leo Tolstoy

Much may be done in those little shreds and patches
of time which every day produces,
and which most men throw away.
- Charles Caleb Colton

And when is there time to remember, to sift,
to weigh, to estimate, to total?
- Tillie Olsen

Time changes everything except something within us
which is always surprised by change.
- Thomas Hardy

Time, whose tooth gnaws away everything else,
is powerless against truth.
- Thomas Huxley

Lose not yourself in a far off time,
seize the moment that is thine.
- Friedrich Schiller

People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged
sooner or later to find time for illness.
- John Wanamaker

I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
- H. G. Wells

Who forces time is pushed back by time;
who yields to time finds time on his side.
- The Talmud

Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time
like dew on the tip of a leaf.
- Rabindranath Tagore


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.