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George Burns Quotes
Funny Quotes by George Burns

Let these funny George Burns Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall PHOTO

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek


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Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
- the movie Tangled (2010)

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)


 

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Serious illness doesn't bother me for long
because I am too inhospitable a host.
- Albert Schweitzer

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II

Rules are mostly made to be broken
and are too often for the lazy to hide behind.
- Douglas MacArthur

Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde

Money often costs too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort of thought.
- John F. Kennedy

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda PHOTO

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

Too clever is dumb.
- Ogden Nash

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
- Anonymous

It was impossible to get a conversation going,
everybody was talking too much.
- Yogi Berra

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy

You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Genius always finds itself a century too early.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
- Alfred Adler

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt
until they are too strong to be broken.
- Samuel Johnson

A man too busy to take care of his health is like
a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
- Spanish Proverb

Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton

No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry

Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.
- Harry S. Truman

In the long history of humankind (and animal-kind, too)
those who learned to collaborate and
improvise most effectively have prevailed.
- Charles Darwin

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

This too, shall pass.
- Bible

It is a mistake to look too far ahead.
Only one link in the chain of destiny
can be handled at a time.
- Winston Churchill

One who is too insistent on his own views,
finds few to agree with him.
- Lao Tzu

The one serious conviction that a man should have
is that nothing should be taken too seriously.
- Nicholas Murray Butler

I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

When life is too easy for us, we must beware
or we may not be ready to meet the blows
which sooner or later come to everyone, rich or poor.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

An overfull calendar, like an overfull stomach,
is a consequence of taking on too much.
Commit, and eat, in moderation.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't give up. There are too many nay-sayers out there
who will try to discourage you.
Don't listen to them.
The only one who can make you give up is yourself.
- Sidney Sheldon

We never repent of having eaten too little.
- Thomas Jefferson

He who is too busy doing good
finds no time to be good.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I am an optimist.
It does not seem too much use being anything else.
- Winston Churchill

To say "too busy" is merely
to say "confused priorities."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.
- Epicurus

I am mortified to be told that, in the United States of America,
the sale of a book can become a subject of inquiry,
and of criminal inquiry too.
- Thomas Jefferson

Miracles are a retelling in small letters
of the very same story
which is written across the whole world
in letters too large for some of us to see.
- C. S. Lewis

Any man who reads too much
and uses his own brain too little
falls into lazy habits of thinking.
- Albert Einstein

Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike.
Each has their suffering.
Some suffer too much, others too little.
- The Buddha

Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers.
This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated
thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
- Albert Einstein

There are a number of things wrong with Washington.
One of them is that everyone is too far from home.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

In business or in life, don't follow the wagon tracks too closely.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Many a man fails as an original thinker
simply because his memory is too good.
- Nietzsche


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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