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Funny Family Quotes
Funny Quotes about Families

Let these funny Family Quotes add some humor to your life. And check out many more Funny Quotes from my large collection.

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous


 

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family
belonged to another church.
- Paul Lynde

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business
in which no cumulative wisdom is gained:
each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
- Bill Cosby


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No matter how calmly you try to referee,
parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior,
and I'm not talking about the kids.
Their behavior is always normal.
- Bill Cosby

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I don't have to look up my family tree,
because I know that I'm the sap.
- Fred Allen

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
- the movie Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

You know the only people who are always sure about
the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
- Bill Cosby

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

That married couples can live together day after day
is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
- Bill Cosby

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
- Margaret Mead

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools,
but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
- Bill Cosby

Parents are not interested in justice,
they're interested in peace and quiet.
- Bill Cosby

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices:
take it or leave it.
- Buddy Hackett

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

The ache for home lives in all of us,
the safe place where we can
go as we are and not be questioned.
- Maya Angelou

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)

Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.
- Anonymous

Poets have said that the reason to have children is
to give yourself immortality.
Immortality? Now that I have five children,
my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
- Bill Cosby

Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.
- Roe Fulkerson

Nothing separates the generations more than music.
By the time a child is eight or nine,
he has developed a passion for his own music that is
even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
- Bill Cosby

To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran

Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man.
- Rabindranath Tagore

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated,
let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he
does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
- Bill Cosby

Let parents bequeath to their children
not riches, but the spirit of reverence.
- Plato

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

What is our family?
We touch our full hearts and see ourselves
reflected whole in each other's eyes.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I have a family to support.
And I'm not always going to be doing exactly what I want to do.
- Patrick Warburton

If we abandon marriage, we abandon the family.
- Michael Enzi

I grew up in a very religious family.
I could read the Qu'ran easily at the age of five.
- Akhmad Kadyrov

A woman should be home with the children,
building that home and making sure there's a secure family atmosphere.
- Mel Gibson

Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.
- David Ogden Stiers

God did not intend the human family to be wafted to
heaven on flowery beds of ease.
- Frank Knox

My family was my guide to my reality.
- Haywood Nelson

Without a family, man, alone in the world,
trembles with the cold.
- Andre Maurois

When I was younger, my family would go camping and fishing on our ranches.
My dad loves being around all kinds of animals.
He's the one who got me to be a really big animal lover.
- Paris Hilton

I live quietly at home among my family and friends.
- Antonio Tabucchi

I grew up in a family in which political issues were often discussed,
and debated intensely.
- Joseph E. Stiglitz

In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past,
bridge to our future.
- Alex Haley

Happy is said to be the family which can eat onions together.
They are, for the time being, separate,
from the world, and have a harmony of aspiration.
- Charles Dudley Warner

The magic words for a great family are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

My family background was deeply Christian.
- Abbe Pierre

You have to defend your honor.
And your family.
- Suzanne Vega

He who is overly attached to his family members experiences fear and sorrow,
for the root of all grief is attachment.
Thus one should discard attachment to be happy.
- Chanakya

There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I don't know if I believe in marriage.
I believe in family, love and children.
- Penelope Cruz

I am tortured when I am away from my family,
from my children.
I am horribly guilt-ridden.
- Jessica Lange

Sometimes, our family's most important job
is reminding us how unimportant we are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's very strange that most people don't care if their
knowledge of their family history only goes back three generations.
- Doug Coupland

People are pretty forgiving when it comes to other people's families.
The only family that ever horrifies you is your own.
- Doug Coupland

The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phone book.
- Ron Reagan

My family is more important than my party.
- Zell Miller

I love cooking for myself and cooking for my family.
- Al Roker

If one is desperate for love, I suggest looking at
one's friends and family and see if love is all around.
If not, get a new set of friends, a new family.
- Jasmine Guy

Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever
wanted to leave our house.
- Anthony Anderson

For all of those willing to help me start a family,
I am flattered.
I will let you know when I need your help.
- Paula Abdul

I have these visions of myself being thirty,
thirty-five, forty having a family.
- Nastassja Kinski

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family,
she has a good right to them.
- Josh Billings

A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

But what a cruel thing is war
to separate and destroy families and friends.
- Robert E. Lee


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