Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Mouth Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Offense comes not from the mouth, but from the ear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus
Insult comes not from the mouth,
but from the ear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
First, wash all car. Then wax. Wax on...
Wax on, right hand. Wax off, left hand. Wax on, wax off.
Breathe in through nose, out the mouth. Wax on, wax off.
Don't forget to breathe, very important.
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
A wise and frugal government,
which shall leave men free to regulate
their own pursuits of industry and improvement,
and shall not take from the mouth
of labor and the bread it has earned -
this is the sum of good government.
- Thomas Jefferson
Liar is a strong word, but we are all liars.
Not in the sense of intentionally speaking untruths,
but in the sense of carrying so much historical
and emotional baggage that none of us is believable.
To lie means to speak an untruth,
and virtually everything that comes out of our mouth
is an untruth - an opinion, an assumption,
a point-of-view based on our past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am the Wizard. This world is mine.
I speak. It's done. My realm is fine.
My wand, my tongue. My sword, my voice.
It's good. It's bad. I speak my choice.
I say happy, or I say mad.
I say angry, or I say glad.
I name that drawing on the wall.
It's not graffiti after all.
The past has been broken. The prison's not real.
My word holds the magic - the power to heal.
Intent is my weapon - a sword from above.
Cruel hate, fear, and anger transmute into love.
This world's my joy. This mouth's my toy.
Reborn -I'm a brand new girl or boy.
I choose. I speak. My will is done.
Come join. Come play. This can be fun.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The Master teaches that the way of qigong cannot be hurried.
Wuji refers to the time before the creation -
when everything was formless.
Standing in the wuji position, my feet are parallel
to each other, shoulder-width apart.
My knees are slightly bent,
and the tip of my tongue touches the roof of my mouth.
My arms are held in front of me with my elbows bent
and my palms parallel to each other - about four inches apart.
At first I focus on my breathing, and only my breathing.
Later, I visualize the energy or "Qi" between my palms.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We should be too big to take offense
and too noble to give it.
- Abraham Lincoln
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks
The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling
Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I've learned that you should always
leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
- Anonymous
Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb
You either do it completely and utterly,
or you should stop doing it.
- Bono (paraphrase)
If a man is proud of his wealth,
he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.
- Socrates
Neither should a ship rely on one small anchor,
nor should life rest on a single hope.
- Epictetus
What people often mean by getting rid of conflict
is getting rid of diversity,
and it is of the utmost importance
that these should not be considered the same.
- M. P. Follett
We should not pretend to understand the world
only by the intellect.
The judgment of the intellect
is only part of the truth.
- Carl Jung
We should not moor a ship with one anchor,
or our life with one hope.
- Epictetus
He who would pass his declining years with honor and comfort,
should, when young, consider that he may one day become old,
and remember when he is old, that he has once been young.
- Joseph Addison
No house should ever be on a hill or on anything.
It should be of the hill. Belonging to it.
Hill and house should live together
each the happier for the other.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
All major religious traditions
carry basically the same message,
that is love, compassion and forgiveness.
The important thing is they should
be part of our daily lives.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
But for my faith in God, I should have been a raving maniac.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A Bill of Rights is what the people are
entitled to against every government,
and what no just government should refuse, or rest on inference.
- Thomas Jefferson
No statement should be believed because it is made by an authority.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Life should not be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming, "Wow! What a Ride!"
- Hunter S. Thompson
Some people wanted champagne and caviar
when they should have had beer and hot dogs.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I surrender to life as it is, not as it should be.
- Richard Carlson
The value of a man should be seen in what he gives
and not in what he is able to receive.
- Albert Einstein
Form follows function - that has been misunderstood.
Form and function should be one, joined in a spiritual union.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Many people excuse their own faults
but judge other persons harshly.
We should reverse this attitude
by excusing others' shortcomings
and by harshly examining our own.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
Do not do unto others
as you expect they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
- George Bernard Shaw
Every citizen should be a soldier.
This was the case with the Greeks and Romans,
and must be that of every free state.
- Thomas Jefferson
I think, at a child's birth,
if a mother could ask a fairy godmother
to endow it with the most useful gift,
that gift should be curiosity.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Dave Barry
It is one thing to say that something should be done,
but quite a different matter to do it.
- Aesop
We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
If the stars should appear
but one night every thousand years
how man would marvel and stare.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein
The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live
that his happiness shall depend
as little as possible on external things.
- Epictetus
Thank you for visiting: Funny Mouth Quotes - Funny Quotes about Mouth.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.