Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Insult Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Insult comes not from the mouth,
but from the ear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is not he who reviles or strikes you who insults you,
but your opinion that these things are insulting.
- Epictetus
Re-examine all that you have been told...
dismiss that which insults your soul.
- Walt Whitman
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Thank you for visiting: Funny Insult Quotes - Funny Quotes about Insult.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.