Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Twice Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor
I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton
Shake structures.
School yourself.
Look twice at a thing,
once upside down.
Answer yourself clearly.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It is noted that a stopped clock is correct twice each day.
In a similar manner, a person who is unchanging appears wise occasionally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
If you have no confidence in self,
you are twice defeated in the race of life.
With confidence, you have won even before you have started.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero
If you do something once,
people will call it an accident.
If you do it twice, t
hey call it a coincidence.
But do it a third time, and
you've just proven a natural law.
- Grace Hopper
Look twice before you leap.
- Charlotte Bronte
The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
- William Shakespeare
We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus
Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions.
All life is an experiment.
The more experiments you make the better.
What if they are a little coarse,
and you may get your coat soiled or torn?
What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled
in the dirt once or twice.
Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We write to taste life twice,
in the moment, and in retrospection.
- Anais Nin
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- Confucius
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
- Confucius
Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius
Study the past, if you would divine the future.
- Confucius
Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
- Confucius
The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials.
- Confucius
Music produces a kind of pleasure
which human nature cannot do without.
- Confucius
Success depends upon previous preparation,
and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
- Confucius
They must often change,
who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.
- Confucius
Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
- Confucius
Never impose on others what
you would not choose for yourself.
- Confucius (Ancient Chinese)
"To know" is to know that you know nothing.
That is the meaning of true knowledge.
- Confucius
If you look into your own heart,
and you find nothing wrong there,
what is there to worry about?
What is there to fear?
- Confucius
If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed;
if in terms of ten years, plant trees;
if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
- Confucius
To know everything is to know nothing,
but to know nothing is to know everything.
- Confucius
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
- Anonymous
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Thank you for visiting: Funny Twice Quotes - Funny Quotes about Twice.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.