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Let these funny Magnitude Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
It is not the magnitude of our actions
but the amount of love
that is put into them that matters.
- Mother Teresa
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
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"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.