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Let these funny Amount Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
- Henry David Thoreau
Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
- Robert Benchley
Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart,
it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
No amount of self-improvement can make up
for a lack of self-acceptance.
- Anonymous
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It is not the magnitude of our actions
but the amount of love
that is put into them that matters.
- Mother Teresa
The trick is in what one emphasizes.
We either make ourselves miserable,
or we make ourselves happy.
The amount of work is the same.
- Carlos Castaneda
The cost of a thing is the amount
of what I will call life
which is required to be exchanged for it,
immediately or in the long run.
- Henry David Thoreau
No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right;
a single experiment can prove me wrong.
- Albert Einstein
There is more difference in the quality
of our pleasures than in the amount.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil.
If they would only expend the same
amount of energy loving their fellow men,
the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui.
- Helen Keller
For some of us, the world appears to provide
only a fixed quantity of each resource -
a limited amount of food, of money,
of love, of success, of appreciation.
For others, life is unlimited.
Their world expands with the generosity, compassion,
inventiveness, and service that they contribute.
In this world-view, money that is spent
or given away returns multiplied.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil
to one who is striking at the root,
and it may be that he who bestows the largest amount
of time and money on the needy
is doing the most by his mode of life
to produce that misery
which he strives in vain to relieve.
- Henry David Thoreau
I think wholeness is God's design for us;
and that often amounts to embracing contradictions.
- Bono
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein
Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank
Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein
The WORK
1.Is it true?
2.Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3.How do you react when you think that thought?
4.Who would you be without the thought?
- Byron Katie
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
You must do the thing that you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach
The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Few is the number of those
who think with their own mind
and feel with their own heart.
- Albert Einstein
Inspire people to do things for themselves.
Inspire people to think for themselves.
- Bono
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.