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Let these funny Lousy Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The best morale exist when you never hear the word mentioned.
When you hear a lot of talk about it, it's usually lousy.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain 
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
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A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
I am easily satisfied with the very best.
- Winston Churchill
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
- Jacqueline Schiff
That's what Tiggers do best!
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
- Winston Churchill
We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz
There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook
The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker
The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous
The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould
Read the best books first,
or you may not have a chance to read them at all.
- Henry David Thoreau
When you do your best
you learn to accept yourself
- don Miguel Ruiz
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
- Henry Ford
It is no use saying, "We are doing our best."
You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.
- Winston Churchill
The best and most beautiful things in the world
cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart.
- Helen Keller
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree
is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
- Burton Hills
Give the world the best you have
and it may never be enough.
Give the world your best anyway.
- Mother Teresa
Best friends are the ones who can be the farthest away
but there the fastest when you call.
- Anonymous
In the practice of tolerance,
one's enemy is the best teacher.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
The Four Agreements
1.Be impeccable with your word.
2.Don't take anything personally.
3.Don't make assumptions.
4.Always do your best.
- don Miguel Ruiz
The best effort of a fine person
is felt after we have left their presence.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Make the best use of what is in your power,
and take the rest as it happens.
- Epictetus
One way or another, we all have to find
what best fosters the flowering of our humanity
in this contemporary life,
and dedicate ourselves to that.
- Joseph Campbell
Life is NOT "Supposed to be Fair."
Know that there is no single way that life is "supposed" to be.
Demanding that life meet our expectations
is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence.
Life is a game with no rules.
Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions.
Our only path to happiness lies in being open
to receiving whatever life throws at us -
with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe
A true friend sees the good in everything,
and brings out the best in the worst of things.
- Sasha Azevedo
Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman
For a people who are free, and who mean to remain so,
a well-organized and armed militia is their best security.
- Thomas Jefferson
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.