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Voltaire Quotes
Funny Quotes by Voltaire

Let these funny Voltaire Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire

The more he became truly wise,
the more he distrusted everything he knew.
- Voltaire

It is dangerous to be right in matters
on which the established authorities are wrong.
- Voltaire


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Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
- Voltaire

Appreciation is a wonderful thing.
It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.
- Voltaire

It is the first law of friendship
that it has to be cultivated.
The second is to be indulgent
when the first law is neglected.
- Voltaire


 

Faith consists in believing when it is
beyond the power of reason to believe.
- Voltaire

The more I read, the more I meditate;
and the more I acquire,
the more certain I am that I know nothing.
- Voltaire

Fear follows crime, and is its punishment.
- Voltaire

A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz PHOTO

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller PHOTO

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy

People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller PHOTO

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid

I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead

Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
- Anonymous

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard

A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

Our Joy comes from living our own lives simply -
never from demanding that others live simply -
or from ever making any demands whatsoever upon others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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