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Funny Honesty Quotes
Funny Quotes about Honesty

Let these funny Honesty Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

Treat those who are good with goodness,
and also treat those who are not good with goodness.
Thus goodness is attained.
Be honest to those who are honest,
and be also honest to those who are not honest.
Thus honesty is attained.
- Lao Tzu PHOTO

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
- Thomas Jefferson


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Give your time and efforts freely or not at all.
When you are tempted to say,
"Oh, if I have to, I'll skip my golf game
and watch my daughter play soccer," don't do it.
Either generate the heart-felt emotion
to make the free-will gift,
"I'd love to watch your game today, Sandy,"
or the honesty to decline the request gracefully.
Martyrdom doesn't create happiness
for any of the parties involved.
An honest, "No" is preferable to a coerced "Yes."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Only good comes from being honest and true.
Only harm and suffering come from falsehood.
It doesn't always feel as if good comes from truth and honesty,
but, in the long run, it does.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright


 

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

Dumbo! C'mon, fly! Open them ears!
The magic feather was just a gag!
You can fly! Honest, you can!
- Timothy Q. Mouse in the movie Dumbo

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Peace, commerce and honest friendship with all nations;
entangling alliances with none.
- Thomas Jefferson

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie

Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is a fine thing to be honest,
but it is also very important to be right.
- Winston Churchill

The world is moved along, not only
by the mighty shoves of its heroes,
but also by the aggregate of tiny pushes
of each honest worker.
- Helen Keller

May we never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

An honest man is always a child.
- Socrates

There should be an honest attempt at the reconciliation
of differences before resorting to combat.
- Jimmy Carter

I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live.
- Socrates

Here in America we are descended in blood
and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels.
Men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine.
As their heirs, may we never confuse
honest dissent with disloyal subversion.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

We should not pretend to understand
the world only by the intellect;
we apprehend it just as much by feeling.
Therefore, the judgment of the intellect is,
at best, only the half of truth, and must, if it be honest,
also come to an understanding of its inadequacy.
- Carl Jung

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear,
an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
- Leo Buscaglia

"Mother Teresa Prayer"
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
... Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
... Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some
false friends and some true enemies;
... Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
... Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
... Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
... Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
... Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
... Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
We can do no great things - only small things with great love.
- although commonly attributed to Mother Teresa,
who kept a copy of this prayer on
the wall of her Calcutta orphanage,
this prayer was actually written by Kent Keith.

People grow through experience
if they meet life honestly and courageously.
This is how character is built.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

Join the army. Visit strange and exotic places.
Meet fascinating people. And kill them.
- Anonymous

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain

People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry

Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.
- Albert Schweitzer

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

The most important service rendered
by the press and the magazines
is that of educating people
to approach printed matter with distrust.
- Samuel Butler

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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