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Funny Gets Quotes
Funny Quotes about Gets

Let these funny Gets Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)


 

Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor


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The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Anonymous

Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

By letting it go it all gets done.
The world is won by those who let it go.
But when you try and try.
The world is beyond the winning.
- Lao Tzu

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

I believe that anyone can conquer fear
by doing the things he fears to do,
provided he keeps doing them until he gets
a record of successful experience behind him.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

An optimist is one who makes the best
of what he gets the worst of.
- Anonymous

For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation.
It gets the hurt out in the open into the light,
out of the darkness.
- Reba McEntire

A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.
- David Ogden Stiers

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
- Josh Billings

Put your trust in the Lord and go ahead.
Worry gets you no place.
- Roy Acuff

When the traveler goes alone he gets acquainted with himself.
- Liberty Hyde Bailey

There is a crack in everything,
that's how the light gets in.
- Leonard Cohen

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about,
he goes off and gets married.
- Robert Frost

A kitten is chiefly remarkable for rushing about like mad at nothing whatever,
and generally stopping before it gets there.
- Agnes Repplier

Everything that gets born dies.
- Morrie Schwartz

I would love a family.
I'm at the age where the wish for a child gets stronger.
But who knows.
- Cameron Diaz

Nobody ever gets to see what could have been.
- the 2010 movie Charlie St. Cloud

This country has come to feel the same when Congress
is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
- Will Rogers

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
- Hunter S. Thompson

A man is a success if he gets up in
the morning and gets to bed at night,
and in between he does what he wants to do.
- Bob Dylan

Business is never so healthy as when,
like a chicken, it must do a certain amount of scratching around for what it gets.
- Henry Ford

When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't let your ego get too close to your position,
so that if your position gets shot down,
your ego doesn't go with it.
- Colin Powell

Everyone who's ever taken a shower has an idea.
It's the person who gets out of the shower,
dries off and does something about it who makes a difference.
- Nolan Bushnell

The first man gets the oyster, the second man gets the shell.
- Andrew Carnegie

The youth gets together his materials
to build a bridge to the moon,
or, perchance, a palace or temple on the earth,
and, at length, the middle-aged man
concludes to build a woodshed with them.
- Henry David Thoreau

The Master acts without doing, and everything gets done.
- Lao Tzu

Everybody gets so much information all day long that
they lose their common sense.
- Gertrude Stein

A great secret of success is to go through life
as a man who never gets used up.
- Albert Schweitzer

The way to get things done is not to mind who gets
the credit for doing them.
- Benjamin Jowett

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.
The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie

Science is wonderfully equipped to answer the question
"How?" but it gets terribly confused when you ask the question "Why?"
- Erwin Chargaff

There is no limit to what a man can do
or where he can go,
if he doesn't mind who gets the credit.
- Robert Woodruff

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket
and rejoices that the system works.
- Bill Vaughan

Worrying is like a rocking chair,
it gives you something to do,
but it gets you nowhere.
- Glenn Turner

My mother gets all mad at me if I stay in a hotel.
I'm 31-years-old, and I don't want to sleep on a sleeping
bag down in the basement.
It's humiliating.
- Ben Affleck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife
an electric skillet for her birthday.
- Erma Bombeck

Poetry is what gets lost in translation.
- Robert Frost

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at
seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
- Jean Kerr

Motherhood has a very humanizing effect.
Everything gets reduced to essentials.
- Meryl Streep

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning
and watches the Discovery Channel.
I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
- Jeff Foxworthy

Keep moving. Don't stop. But don't rush.
Don't race around.
Sure and steady gets you there every time.
- Neale Donald Walsch

A group or an artist shouldn't get his money until his boss gets his.
- Bobby Darin

It is amazing how much you can accomplish
when it doesn't matter who gets the credit.
- Anonymous

Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.
- Albert Einstein

Religion often gets in the way of God.
- Bono

The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.
- J. Paul Getty

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
- Joseph P. Kennedy

There is a fine line between perseverance and insanity.
At what point have you tried your best,
and it's time to do something different?
It's a balance - a paradox.
If you get in the habit of giving up
as soon as something gets difficult,
your life won't work,
but if you keep tilting at windmills -
madly trying the same thing again and again,
your life also won't work.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny -
funny is transcendent -
it will traverse all demographic barriers if people
embrace it as a funny movie.
- Thomas Haden Church

The longer you work here, diverse it gets.
- Scott Adams

The thing that teases the mind over and over for years,
and at last gets itself put down rightly on paper whether little or great,
it belongs to Literature.
- Willa Cather

White-collar crime gets more outrageous by the second in America.
- Sara Paretsky

Most illegals are without health insurance,
and when these workers need emergency healthcare,
the American taxpayer gets stuck with the bill.
- Spencer Bachus

Everything passes.
Nobody gets anything for keeps.
And that's how we've got to live.
- Haruki Murakami

I sort of feel sorry for the next man who gets me.
I may just kill him with passion.
He'd better be strong and have a good heart!
- Kirstie Alley

I'm a synthesist.
I'm always making music.
And I make a lot of different kinds of music all the time.
Some of it gets finished and some of it doesn't.
- Bruce Springsteen

The old Devil gets mad when you're trying to do good.
Pray that God will move the stumbling blocks.
- Mahalia Jackson

I have deep respect for people's individual faith,
but when faith gets connected to the machinery of state,
or the machinery of hate, I find it very confronting.
- Andrew Denton

If you don't give your kid freedom to make choices with money,
including stupid choices, he'll make plenty when he gets to college.
- John Gardner

And I want to do it the right way, like everybody else,
not just a famous figurehead that gets a job because
he is a famous basketball player.
I want to really learn the business.
- Shaquille O'Neal


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.