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Funny Table Quotes
Funny Quotes about Table

Let these funny Table Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

Employee fathers need to step up to the plate and put
their family needs on the table.
- James Levine

Some of the most important conversations I've ever
had occurred at my family's dinner table.
- Bob Ehrlich


 

We receive this food in gratitude to all beings
Who have helped to bring it to our table,
And vow to respond in turn to those in need
With wisdom and compassion.
- Buddhist Blessing

Leave the table while you still feel you could eat a little more.
- Helena Rubinstein

We gather today in gratitude for the bounty of the land,
the joyful company around this table,
and all the other blessings of this life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin;
what else does a man need to be happy?
- Albert Einstein

I do not recall a Jewish home without a book on the table.
- Elie Wiesel

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia,
the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave
owners will be able to sit together at the table of brotherhood.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

As we join hands in fellowship
around this bountiful table,
we give thanks for the blessings of this food
and the love of these friends
as a symbol of our gratitude
for all the manifold blessings of this life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was raised by a single mother who made a way for me.
She used to scrub floors as a domestic worker,
put a cleaning rag in her pocketbook and ride the subways
in Brooklyn so I would have food on the table.
But she taught me as I walked her to the subway that
life is about not where you start,
but where you're going.
That's family values.
- Al Sharpton

There was endless action - not just football,
but sailboats, tennis and other things:
movement.
There was endless talk - the ambassador at the head
of the table laying out the prevailing wisdom,
but everyone else weighing in with their opinions and taking part.
- Charles Spalding

He sits at the kitchen table, which is the only authentic
way to touch down at home in Queens.
- Francis X. Clines

I am invariably of the politics of the people at whose table I sit,
or beneath whose roof I sleep.
- George Borrow

I think that a strong Israel is the only Israel that
will bring the Arabs to the peace table.
- Benjamin Netanyahu

I need to borrow a camera to take some pix of my studio,
which is basically the kitchen table.
- Francesca da Rimini

Self-esteem is as important to our well-being as legs are to a table.
It is essential for physical and mental health and for happiness.
- Louise Hart

I used to hang out by the food table at parties because
you don't have to talk to anybody.
If you do then you can talk about the food.
- Jennifer Jason Leigh

I just cannot have an offer on the table and just let it go.
- Peter Bondra

All great change in America begins at the dinner table.
- Ronald Reagan

In those days, between the ages of 12 and 18 you meant nothing.
You were the extra place at the side table if someone came to dinner.
You were of no interest to anyone.
- Alexis Korner

I have traveled a long road from the battlefield to the peace table.
- Moshe Dayan

People who insist on telling their dreams are among
the terrors of the breakfast table.
- Max Beerbohm

The oldest form of theater is the dinner table.
It's got five or six people, new show every night,
same players.
Good ensemble; the people have worked together a lot.
- Michael J. Fox

And the test for any actor is whether you stay at the table or go away.
- Frank Langella

My parents discussed singing every night over the dinner table;
I had a tremendous music education.
- Renee Fleming

But if you look at teams that want to share more revenues,
they're teams that don't have a lot on the table.
They've long since not had any serious investment in their team.
- Jerry Jones

There are a tremendous amount of environmental issues that are on the table.
- Ed Rendell

My family...
always had the value of the family table and these
cultural influences of growing up.
- Emeril Lagasse

The Spice Girl Victoria Beckham has just published the story of her life.
I confess that it is not in my reading table.
- Mick Jagger

Winston Churchill would be great to have around the table.
- Ian Botham

There was a note on my dressing room table that said,
Call Neil Young.
- Carrie Snodgress

All of my judges will want to welcome every child into the world,
give them a place at the table.
- Gary Bauer

If you take the approach that you want to scrape every
last nickel off the table,
that'll work one or two times, but after awhile,
your reputation will precede you.
- Tom Hicks

Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don't rush;
otherwise you'll look like a patchwork quilt.
- Lucille Ball

You can't go to a negotiating table pointing a gun,
but you've got to keep it over your shoulder.
- Joe Slovo

A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table,
than when his wife talks Greek.
- Samuel Johnson

Talent in cheaper than table salt.
What separates the talented individual from the successful
one is a lot of hard work.
- Stephen King

I am not interested in picking up crumbs of compassion
thrown from the table of someone who considers himself my master.
I want the full menu of rights.
- Desmond Tutu

The bed is now as public as the dinner table and governed
by the same rules of formal confrontation.
- Angela Carter

All of my activities are so pedestrian.
The extreme sport I play is ping pong.
And we play it hard.
If any of you suckers want to step up to the table,
be ready.
- Seth Green

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant.
Every table had an argument going.
- George Carlin

I think to be oversensitive about cliches is like being
oversensitive about table manners.
- Evelyn Waugh

I try to ground most of my characters in reality somehow.
That's kind of what I bring to the table.
- Donnie Wahlberg

People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties.
They are still being passed around -
the music and the ideas.
- Bob Dylan

But I don't think that sculpture belongs in everyday life like a table does,
or like a chair.
- Anthony Caro

We found that when people put this issue on the table,
it turns out that men acknowledge the issue,
and employers and employees can work out solutions
just as working mothers do.
- James Levine

Again, I think we have much greater diplomatic weight
by having all of us sit on the same side of the table wanting the same thing,
and putting it to the North Koreans.
- Mitchell Reiss

An SF author who reads only SF will have little new to contribute,
but someone with a broader experience will bring more to the table.
- Walter Jon Williams

Look, just go sit at the card table with the rest of
the kids and let the adults run the country.
- James Woods

Prince Charles is very relaxed at the table,
throwing his salad around willy-nilly.
I didn't find him stiff at all.
- Madonna Ciccone

I had a scene where the chair was meant to slide off the table,
but do you think it would slide off? No.
We were running out of time and we had to get these scenes done urgently.
- Dannii Minogue

Leadership in today's world requires far more than
a large stock of gunboats and a hard fist at the conference table.
- Hubert H. Humphrey

My table seats eight, so that's my maximum.
Having a small number of guests is the only way to
generate good conversation.
Besides, your whole house doesn't get wrecked that way.
- Paul Lynde

My dressing table was willed to me, with some of my furniture.
- Alicia Markova

What is fanaticism today is the fashionable creed tomorrow,
and trite as the multiplication table a week after.
- Wendell Phillips

I'd like to have the first restaurant that can deliver
incredible quality food to your table at your house
at any time-right where you live.
- Paul Prudhomme

In order to get somewhere in life, you need to have a vision.
The vision brings you to the table.
Without a vision, you just do what everybody else does and you are just there.
- Michael Schenker

Being a CEO still means sitting across the table from
big institutional investors and showing your leadership
and having them believe in you.
- Christie Hefner

For, after all, put it as we may to ourselves,
we are all of us from birth to death guests at a table which we did not spread.
- Rebecca H. Davis

The same expertise we learned at the autopsy table
can be applied to living people who've been shot,
battered, or raped.
The search for trace evidence is the same.
- Michael Baden

I'm very superstitious...
I never shout at magpies, walk under ladders or put my shoes on the table.
- Norman Cook

If you're playing a poker game and you look around
the table and and can't tell who the sucker is,
it's you.
- Paul Newman

Their kitchen is their shrine, the cook their priest,
the table their altar, and their belly their god.
- Charles Buck

The key to online play really is multi-table tournaments.
- Tim Page

It is better for you to be free of fear lying upon a pallet,
than to have a golden couch and a rich table and be full of trouble.
- Epicurus

Townes van Zandt is the best songwriter in the whole
world and I'll stand on Bob Dylan's coffee table in
my cowboy boots and say that.
- Steve Earle

I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck.
- Emma Goldman

Everybody wants to eat at the government's table,
but nobody wants to do the dishes.
- Werner Finck

I see the same coffee table everywhere.
It's mass marketing.
- Douglas Wilson


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.