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Let these funny Legal Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog?
Five? No, calling a tail a leg don't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln
We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous
I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel
In the morning a man walks with his whole body;
in the evening, only with his legs.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling
The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind
If a man is proud of his wealth,
he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.
- Socrates
Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I've learned that you should always
leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
- Anonymous
Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb
Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
You either do it completely and utterly,
or you should stop doing it.
- Bono (paraphrase)
Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
You should never be content with so little,
when you can reach out for something big.
- Charles L. Allen
(This quote is about making a big difference
in the world - not about greed)
The battle for the individual rights of women is one of long standing
and none of us should countenance anything which undermines it.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
No one should ever sit in this office over 70 years old,
and that I know.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Could we change our attitude,
we should not only see life differently,
but life itself would be different.
- Katherine Mansfield
In wartime, truth is so precious that she
should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
- Winston Churchill
We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
No house should ever be on a hill or on anything.
It should be of the hill. Belonging to it.
Hill and house should live together
each the happier for the other.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Commerce with all nations,
alliance with none,
should be our motto.
- Thomas Jefferson
A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious,
one should preserve it.
- Anais Nin
We should be too big to take offense
and too noble to give it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is.
Treat a man as he can and should be,
and he will become as he can and should be.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I think with the Romans, that the general of today
should be a soldier tomorrow if necessary.
- Thomas Jefferson
One that desires to excel
should endeavor in those things
that are in themselves most excellent.
- Epictetus
There is NOTHING that I "must",
"have to", or "should" do today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The essence of philosophy is that a man should so live
that his happiness shall depend
as little as possible on external things.
- Epictetus
Don't seek God in temples.
He is close to you.
He is within you.
Only you should surrender to Him
and you will rise above happiness and unhappiness.
- Leo Tolstoy
No idea is so outlandish that it should not be considered
with a searching but at the same time a steady eye.
- Winston Churchill
Life should not be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming, "Wow! What a Ride!"
- Hunter S. Thompson
The only way to store information is by agreement.
The belief system is like a Book of Law that rules our mind.
Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.
Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others,
but we cannot accept and love ourselves.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Every citizen should be a soldier.
This was the case with the Greeks and Romans,
and must be that of every free state.
- Thomas Jefferson
I think, at a child's birth,
if a mother could ask a fairy godmother
to endow it with the most useful gift,
that gift should be curiosity.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Dave Barry
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
- Albert Einstein
All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance
and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others,
you should put a good deal of thought
into the happiness that you are able to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.