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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Five Quotes
Funny Quotes about Five

Let these funny Five Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca


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If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog?
Five? No, calling a tail a leg don't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

Keep a grateful journal. Every night,
list five things you are grateful for.
- Oprah Winfrey

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man,
but he is brave five minutes longer.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


 

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes.
He who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.
- Chinese Proverb

You can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt

Is a belief a perception of the five senses,
or is it a perception of emotional feeling?
Is it better to say "I sense" and/or "I feel"?
Is it better to say " I know" than "I believe"?
Is belief based on experience or on a idea?
My thinking is that belief/believing is a very missed used word.
- Anonymous

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

I am easily satisfied with the very best.
- Winston Churchill

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham

The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
- Jacqueline Schiff

That's what Tiggers do best!
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln

Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter

Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
- Winston Churchill

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous

If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz

The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman

Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook

Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould

You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker

I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree
is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
- Burton Hills

The best way to get a bad law repealed
is to enforce it strictly.
- Abraham Lincoln

A best friend is like a four leaf clover,
hard to find and lucky to have.
- Anonymous

If a man empties his purse into his head,
no man can take it away from him.
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
- Benjamin Franklin

The language of excitement is at best picturesque merely.
You must be calm before you can utter oracles.
- Henry David Thoreau

The most successful people in life
are generally those who have the best information.
- Benjamin Disraeli

He who knows best knows how little he knows.
- Thomas Jefferson

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The best cure for our own self-inflicted suffering
is often service to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Experience hath shown, that even
under the best forms of government,
those entrusted with power have,
in time, and by slow operations,
perverted it into tyranny.
- Thomas Jefferson


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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