Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Jesus Quotes
Funny Quotes about Jesus

Let these funny Jesus Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)

We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

(Jesus on Love)
You have heard that it was said,
"Love your neighbor and hate your enemy."
But I tell you: Love your enemies
and pray for those who persecute you.
- Matthew 5:43-44

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied:
"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your mind.'
This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it:
'Love your neighbor as yourself.'
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
- Matthew 22:36-40


 

Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
- Matthew 7:7

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you, and pray for them
which despitefully use you and persecute you.
- Matthew 5:44

(Jesus on Anger and Revenge)
You have heard that it was said,
"Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth."
But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person.
If someone strikes you on the right cheek,
turn to him the other also.
- Matthew 5:38-39

Then came Peter to him, and said,
Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me,
and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee,
Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
- Matthew 18:21-22

Day by day we should weigh what we have
granted to the spirit of the world
against what we have denied to the spirit of Jesus,
in thought and especially in deed.
- Albert Schweitzer

Everywhere I look, I see the evidence of a creator.
But I don't see it as religion,
which has cut Irish people in two.
I don't see Jesus Christ as being
in any part of a religion.
Religion to me is almost like when God leaves -
and people devise a set of rules to fill the space.
- Bono

Love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth

Many people mistake our work for our vocation.
Our vocation is the love of Jesus.
- Mother Teresa

Love Your Enemies
Ye have heard that it hath been said,
Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies,
bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you,
and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
- Jesus of Nazareth (Matthew 5:43-44)

Love your enemies.
- Jesus (Matthew 5:44)

I believe in God, but not as one thing,
not as an old man in the sky.
I believe that what people call God
is something in all of us.
I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha
and all the rest said was right.
It's just that the translations have gone wrong.
- John Lennon

Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham

Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.
- Mother Teresa

Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho,
when he fell into the hands of robbers.
They stripped him of his clothes, beat him
and went away, leaving him half dead.
A priest happened to be going down the same road,
and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side.
So too, a Levite [religious leader],
when he came to the place and saw him,
passed by on the other side.
But a Samaritan [Samaritans and Jews generally disliked
and were suspicious of each other] came where the man was;
and when he saw him, he took pity on him.
He went to him and bandaged his wounds ... and ...
took him to an inn and took care of him. ...
Jesus [said] "Go and do likewise."
- Luke 10:25-37 (The Parable of the Good Samaritan)

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt

Everything popular is wrong.
- Oscar Wilde

Cowardice asks the question - is it safe?
Expediency asks the question - is it politic?
Vanity asks the question - is it popular?
But conscience asks the question - is it right?
And there comes a time when one must take a position
that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular;
but one must take it BECAUSE it is right.
- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous

Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


Thank you for visiting: Funny Jesus Quotes - Funny Quotes about Jesus.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.