Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Heaven Quotes
Funny Quotes about Heaven

Let these funny Heaven Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell,
it is simply purgatory.
- Abraham Lincoln

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous


 

Trees are the earth's endless effort
to speak to the listening heaven.
- Rabindranath Tagore

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

All religions must be tolerated...
for every man must get to heaven in his own way.
- Epictetus


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.
- Emily Dickinson

Love like you've never been hurt,
dance like no one is watching,
live as though heaven is on earth.
- Satchel Paige

I am better able to imagine hell than heaven;
it is my inheritance,
I suppose.
- Elinor Wylie

Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

Home interprets heaven.
Home is heaven for beginners.
- Charles Henry Parkhurst

I can't tell you if genius is hereditary,
because heaven has granted me no offspring.
- James Whistler

God did not intend the human family to be wafted to
heaven on flowery beds of ease.
- Frank Knox

Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in.
Aim at earth and you get neither.
- C. S. Lewis

Dance like no one is watching,
love like you'll never be hurt.
Sing like no one is listening.
Live life like it's heaven on earth.
- Anonymous (various attributions and alternate phrasings)

When virtue and modesty enlighten her charms,
the lustre of a beautiful woman is brighter than the stars of heaven,
and the influence of her power it is in vain to resist.
- Akhenaton

Heaven is within us, and we experience it
to the degree that we become conscious of it.
- Ernest Holmes

Software comes from heaven when you have good hardware.
- Ken Olsen

The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
- William Shakespeare

A man content to go to heaven alone will never go to heaven.
- Boethius

Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward heaven.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Sing like no one's listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like nobody's watching,
and live like its heaven on earth.
- Mark Twain

Practice yourself, for heaven's sake in little things,
and then proceed to greater.
- Epictetus

Tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.
- Henry David Thoreau

It is better to conquer yourself
than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours.
It cannot be taken from you,
not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.
- The Buddha

Great indeed is the sublimity of the Creative,
to which all beings owe their beginning
and which permeates all heaven.
- Lao Tzu

Without stirring abroad,
One can know the whole world;
Without looking out of the window,
One can see the way of heaven.
The further one goes, The less one knows.
- Lao Tzu

Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend.
- Plautus

Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius

To see the world in a grain of sand,
and to see heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hands,
and eternity in an hour.
- William Blake

To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1

Love him and let him love you.
Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?
- James A. Baldwin

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.
- William Congreve

One does not need buildings, money, power,
or status to practice the Art of Peace.
Heaven is right where you are standing,
and that is the place to train.
- Morihei Ueshiba

Thy Return is as another Sun to Heaven;
a new Rose blooming in the Garden of the Soul.
- Omar Khayyam

Trees go wandering forth in all directions with every wind,
going and coming like ourselves,
traveling with us around the sun two million miles a day,
and through space heaven knows how fast and far!
- John Muir

The things that have acquired unity are these:
Heaven by unity has become clear;
Earth by unity has become steady;
The Spirit by unity has become spiritual;
The Valley by unity has become full;
All things by unity have come into existence.
- Lao Tzu

Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham

May God grant you always...
A sunbeam to warm you,
a moonbeam to charm you,
a sheltering Angel so nothing can harm you.
Laughter to you.
Faithful friends near you.
And whenever you pray,
Heaven to hear you.
- Irish Blessing

There's a big difference between a handout and a helping hand.
One's charity, the other's friendship.
- Little Joe' Cartwright in Bonanza - Rain from Heaven

I feel no need for any other faith
than my faith in the kindness of human beings.
I am so absorbed in the wonder of earth and the life upon it
that I cannot think of heaven and angels.
- Pearl S. Buck

The mind, in proportion as it is cut off from free
communication with nature,
with revelation, with God, with itself,
loses its life, just as the body droops when debarred
from the air and the cheering light from heaven.
- William Ellery Channing

Our life of poverty is as necessary as the work itself.
Only in heaven will we see how much we owe to the poor
for helping us to love God better because of them.
- Mother Teresa

We may be surprised at the people we find in heaven.
God has a soft spot for sinners.
His standards are quite low.
- Desmond Tutu

Not in purity or in holiness merely,
for in Paradise man was holy,
and he shall be holy when redeemed through the sacrifice
of Christ and made an heir of heaven.
- Matthew Simpson

As we read the school reports on our children,
we realize a sense of relief that can rise to delight
that thank Heaven nobody is reporting in this fashion on us.
- Joseph Priestley

I'm working on a new novel, in its 3rd draft,
but it's hard to write while doing 7th Heaven.
- Stephen Collins

Almost everyone thinks they are a good person,
but the question you should be asking is,
am I good enough to go to Heaven? How would you know?
- Candace Cameron

War, in some instances, especially defensive,
has been authorized by Heaven.
- Ezra Stiles

The Church has always been willing to swap off treasures in heaven for cash down.
- Robert Green Ingersoll

If I have any beliefs about immortality,
it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven,
and very, very few persons.
- James Thurber

No man can resolve himself into Heaven.
- Dwight L. Moody

I also found that for myself, since I've had no religious education,
it was so interesting to see the different versions
of heaven and what life on earth means.
- Barbara Walters

Not all of those who cry "The poor, the poor!" will
enter the kingdom of heaven.
- Michael Novak

If you are not allowed to laugh in heaven,
I don't want to go there.
- Martin Luther

There is only one thing keeping us from having heaven on earth:
we can't believe it!
Why? Because we don't want to be wrong -
so we'll be right and make it hell!
- Patricia Sun

I did things like Shampoo and Heaven Can Wait.
I don't know what those films were about.
The women I played in them were not very empowered.
- Julie Christie

Because that is what such a city is,
in the New World,
a writer's heaven.
- Derek Walcott

Let us put theology out of religion.
Theology has always sent the worst to heaven,
the best to hell.
- Robert Green Ingersoll

I'm very careful about saying who would and wouldn't go to heaven.
I don't know.
- Joel Osteen

This country and the Commonwealth last Tuesday were
not far from the Kingdom of Heaven.
- Geoffrey Fisher

Although you have some films that are a real bummer,
there's always a film that comes up where it's just heaven.
- Terence Stamp

The biggest impact I can have for what I want to do,
the results I want to have with what God's given me,
is to help as many people as possible get to heaven.
- Thomas Monaghan

The stars, that nature hung in heaven,
and filled their lamps with everlasting oil,
give due light to the misled and lonely traveller.
- John Milton

There will be a meeting of the great powers who will disagree,
and the next noise we hear will be the screeching of
elevators going up and down from heaven to hell.
- Mordecai Wyatt Johnson

Gifts fall from heaven only in fairy tales.
- Walter Ulbricht

I'm fighting so I can die a martyr and go to heaven to meet God.
Our fight now is against the Americans.
- Osama bin Laden

Adversity is the diamond dust Heaven polishes its jewels with.
- Thomas Carlyle

Heaven must be an awfully dull place if the poor in spirit live there.
- Emma Goldman


Thank you for visiting: Funny Heaven Quotes - Funny Quotes about Heaven.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.