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George Bernard Shaw Quotes
Funny Quotes by George Bernard Shaw

Let these funny George Bernard Shaw Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

We don't stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
- George Bernard Shaw

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always
depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
- George Bernard Shaw


 

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

Write your Sad times in Sand,
Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw PHOTO

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw PHOTO


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When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw PHOTO

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of,
he always declares that it's his duty.
- George Bernard Shaw

The moment we want to believe something,
we suddenly see all the arguments for it,
and become blind to the arguments against it.
- George Bernard Shaw

You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw

The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
- George Bernard Shaw

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures
is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them:
that's the essence of inhumanity.
- George Bernard Shaw

Beware of false knowledge;
it is more dangerous than ignorance.
- George Bernard Shaw

No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing,
and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.
- George Bernard Shaw

Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
which I have got a hold of for the moment,
and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
- George Bernard Shaw

All great truths begin as blasphemies.
- George Bernard Shaw

Better keep yourself clean and bright;
you are the window through which
you must see the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

Progress is impossible without change,
and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
- George Bernard Shaw

In this world there is always danger
for those who are afraid of it.
- George Bernard Shaw

Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.
- George Bernard Shaw

Do not do unto others
as you expect they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
- George Bernard Shaw

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.
I don't believe in circumstances.
The people who get on in the world are the people who
get up and look for the circumstances they want,
and if they can't find them, make them.
- George Bernard Shaw

A veteran journalist has never had time to think twice before he writes.
- George Bernard Shaw

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable,
but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
- George Bernard Shaw

An election is a moral horror, as bad as a battle except for the blood;
a mud bath for every soul concerned in it.
- George Bernard Shaw

A man of great common sense and good taste -
meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage.
- George Bernard Shaw

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly,
science into superstition, and art into pedantry.
Hence University education.
- George Bernard Shaw

A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.
- George Bernard Shaw

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
- George Bernard Shaw

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
- George Bernard Shaw

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.
- George Bernard Shaw

All my life affection has been showered upon me,
and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.
- George Bernard Shaw

A man who has no office to go, to I don't care who he is,
is a trial of which you can have no conception.
- George Bernard Shaw

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man
in London if he has a comfortable income.
- George Bernard Shaw

A little learning is a dangerous thing,
but we must take that risk because a little is as much
as our biggest heads can hold.
- George Bernard Shaw

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until
I say something nice about them.
- George Bernard Shaw

An Englishman thinks he is moral when he is only uncomfortable.
- George Bernard Shaw

A man never tells you anything until you contradict him.
- George Bernard Shaw

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

If Hitler invaded hell
I would make at least a favorable reference
to the devil in the House of Commons.
- Winston Churchill

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Speeches that are measured by the hour
will die with the hour.
- Thomas Jefferson

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- H. L. Mencken

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
- Oscar Wilde

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

Although prepared for martyrdom,
I preferred that it be postponed.
- Winston Churchill

Authority has every reason to fear the skeptic,
for authority can rarely survive in the face of doubt.
- Robert Lindner

Credulity - willingness to accept
unsupported statements without demanding proof -
is the greatest ally of the dictator and the demagogue.
- Arthur C. Clarke

Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens

Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated,
journalism keeps us in touch
with the ignorance of the community.
- Oscar Wilde

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill


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