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George Bernard Shaw Quotes
Funny Quotes by George Bernard Shaw

Let these funny George Bernard Shaw Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

We don't stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
- George Bernard Shaw

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
- George Bernard Shaw


 

Write your Sad times in Sand,
Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw PHOTO

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw PHOTO

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw PHOTO


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You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of,
he always declares that it's his duty.
- George Bernard Shaw

The moment we want to believe something,
we suddenly see all the arguments for it,
and become blind to the arguments against it.
- George Bernard Shaw

Do not do unto others
as you expect they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
- George Bernard Shaw

No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing,
and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.
- George Bernard Shaw

Better keep yourself clean and bright;
you are the window through which
you must see the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

In this world there is always danger
for those who are afraid of it.
- George Bernard Shaw

Progress is impossible without change,
and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
- George Bernard Shaw

Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
which I have got a hold of for the moment,
and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
- George Bernard Shaw

The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
- George Bernard Shaw

All great truths begin as blasphemies.
- George Bernard Shaw

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures
is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them:
that's the essence of inhumanity.
- George Bernard Shaw

Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.
- George Bernard Shaw

Beware of false knowledge;
it is more dangerous than ignorance.
- George Bernard Shaw

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.
I don't believe in circumstances.
The people who get on in the world are the people who
get up and look for the circumstances they want,
and if they can't find them, make them.
- George Bernard Shaw

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer PHOTO

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain

Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers

Join the army. Visit strange and exotic places.
Meet fascinating people. And kill them.
- Anonymous

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis

A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

Unless they share our opinions,
we seldom find people sensible.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln

History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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