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Funny Twenty Quotes
Funny Quotes about Twenty

Let these funny Twenty Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- widely misattributed to Mark Twain

I'm not a real movie star.
I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
- Will Rogers

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death


 

Is it bigger than breadbox?
- the early television show Twenty Questions

He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may
become at sixty as wise as he thought himself at twenty.
- Mary Wilson Little

A man who views the world the same at fifty
as he did at twenty
has wasted thirty years of his life.
- Muhammad Ali


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Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
- Ambrose Bierce

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes,
I want to go home and screw; After the first twenty minutes,
I never want to screw again as long as I live
- Erica Jong

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men
whose wives think they are out having fun.
- Jim Bishop

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty.
Anyone who keeps learning stays young.
The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.
- Henry Ford

I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs.
- Frederick Douglass

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say
there are twenty gods or no God.
- Thomas Jefferson

At twenty years of age the will reigns;
at thirty, the wit;
and at forty, the judgment.
- Benjamin Franklin

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago,
Catholic school children would be wearing little electric
chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
- Lenny Bruce

I mean, I look at my dad.
He was twenty when he started having a family,
and he was always the coolest dad.
He did everything for his kids, and he never made us
feel like he was pressured.
I know that it must be a great feeling to be a guy like that.
- Adam Sandler

I'm like a twenty-two-year-old kid in a new band trying
to get noticed and break through,
because the vast majority of people have never seen me play live.
- John Fogerty

Guessing what the pitcher is going to throw is eighty
percent of being a successful hitter.
The other twenty percent is just execution.
- Hank Aaron

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen,
she's twelve.
If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six,
she's damn near fourty.
- Chris Rock

I've been allowed to grow over the past twenty years.
I've managed to avoid being trapped in one moment of my career and for that,
I'm very thankful.
- Giovanni Ribisi

With a recent birthday, I've been acting now for twenty years.
- Thayer David

Hell, if I didn't drink drink or smoke,
I'd win twenty games every year.
It's easy when you don't drink or smoke or horse around.
- Whitey Ford

It took some time to gather the research and develop it into the storyline,
and to finally finish an origin myth poem that I had
been working on for twenty years.
- Jean M. Auel

I spent my first twenty years in Morocco,
where I coached the national team.
- Just Fontaine

I make it a rule always to believe compliments implicitly for five minutes,
and to simmer gently for twenty more.
- Alice James

The beginning of 1856 found me teaching in the family
of a planter named Bryan,
residing in Prince George County, Md.,
some fifteen or twenty miles from Washington.
- Simon Newcomb

Discussion in class, which means letting twenty young
blockheads and two cocky neurotics discuss something
that neither their teacher nor they know.
- Vladimir Nabokov

Twenty million more have Chronic Kidney Disease,
where patients experience a gradual deterioration of kidney function,
the end result of which is kidney failure.
- Xavier Becerra

I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try,
try again stuff.
I just want out.
I've had it.
I am so tired.
I am twenty and I am already exhausted.
- Elizabeth Wurtzel

What a man knows at fifty that he did not know at twenty
is for the most part incommunicable.
- Adlai E. Stevenson

Being a new band, I just can't think of a better way
to get your name out to all of the Hard-Rock crowd
than playing with twenty of the biggest Hard-Rock bands in the world.
- Adam Rich

After about twenty issues of Josie, they decided to pay me.
- Dan DeCarlo

The arrival of a good clown exercises a more beneficial
influence upon the health of a town than of twenty asses laden with drugs.
- Thomas Sydenham

So about twenty years ago I gave up on painting -
and got into terrible debt after buying a load of camera gear!
- Nigel Dennis

Thank god, and now all I have are, twenty one years together,
in January and, you know, I, you know I forgot this all about things.
And anyway the first place is good thing.
- Olga Korbut

Twenty-five years ago nobody knew much about white sharks.
- Peter Benchley

For years I have played the twenty-something lover.
- James MacArthur

I read the Odyssey because it was the story of a man
who returned home after being absent for more than
twenty years and was recognized only by his dog.
- Guillermo Cabrera Infante

Everyone has talent at twenty-five.
The difficulty is to have it at fifty.
- Edgar Degas

You make me chuckle when you say that you are no longer young,
that you have turned twenty-four.
A man is or may be young to after sixty,
and not old before eighty.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

If eighty percent of your sales come from twenty percent of all of your items,
just carry those twenty percent.
- Henry A. Kissinger

I've met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time,
but you're twenty minutes.
- Billy Wilder

So they ended up turning this little twenty eight page book into the movie.
And it's all about this stinky, smelly ogre who doesn't
care what anybody thinks of him.
- Mike Myers

In teaching you cannot see the fruit of a day's work.
It is invisible and remains so, maybe for twenty years.
- Jacques Barzun

Twenty years ago, I was living in a lovely cottage
on the edge of Dartmoor but I couldn't afford to run a car.
- Mary Wesley

There are more truths in twenty-four hours of a man's
life than in all the philosophies.
- Raoul Vaneigem

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has
found its way back into society.
We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out
of business twenty years ago.
- Erma Bombeck

Twenty-five million veterans are living among us today.
These men and women selflessly set aside their civilian
lives to put on the uniform and serve us.
- Steve Buyer

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son -
and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.
- Helen Rowland

We women of America tell you that America is not a democracy.
Twenty million women are denied the right to vote.
- Alice Paul

Oh, never mind the fashion.
When one has a style of one's own, it is always twenty times better.
- Margaret Oliphant

Twenty-three is old.
It's almost 25, which is like almost mid-20s.
- Jessica Simpson

Photography is truth.
The cinema is truth twenty-four times per second.
- Jean-Luc Godard

How sick one gets of being "good," how much I should
respect myself if I could burst out and make everyone
wretched for twenty-four hours;
embody selfishness.
- Alice James

One has to be able to count if only so that at fifty
one doesn't marry a girl of twenty.
- Maxim Gorky

I did a twenty foot print and John Cage is involved
in that because he was the only person I knew in New
York who had a car and who would be willing to do this.
- Robert Rauschenberg

We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots
with ideas twenty years later.
- Louis Aragon

No person is ever good for much, that hasn't been swept
off their feet by enthusiasm between ages twenty and thirty.
- James Anthony Froude

When I'm dead twenty-five years, people are going to begin to recognize me.
- Scott Joplin

A man can sleep around, no questions asked,
but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
- Joan Rivers

From that time through the time I was a New Dramatist,
when I was something like twenty-two,
I saw absolutely everything in New York.
Absolutely everything.
- Richard Foreman

I very much enjoyed my career in science.
I didn't leave science because I was disillusioned,
but felt I'd done my bit for it after about twenty-five years.
- John Polkinghorne

In twenty years I've never had a day when I didn't
have to think about someone else's needs.
And this means the writing has to be fitted around it.
- Alice Munro

My observation is that after one hundred and twenty
years of modernisation since the opening of the country,
present-day Japan is split between two opposite poles of ambiguity.
- Kenzaburo Oe

The damage done in one year can sometimes take ten
or twenty years to repair.
- Chinua Achebe

Twenty-first century medicine must not be confined
to a twentieth-century bureaucracy.
- Charles W. Pickering

People are still crazy about Python after twenty-five years,
which I find hard to believe.
- Michael Palin

This at least should be a rule through the letter-writing world:
that no angry letter be posted till four-and-twenty
hours will have elapsed since it was written.
- Anthony Trollope

I worked with Paul McCartney for a while and saw what
it does to you to be treated like a god for twenty years.
- Tracey Ullman

You got to get twenty-seven outs to win.
- Casey Stengel

I've always been fascinated by numbers.
Before I was seventeen years old, I had lived in twenty-one different houses.
In my mind, each of those houses had a number.
- Robert Indiana


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