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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Hair Quotes
Funny Quotes about Hair

Let these funny Hair Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

We all have our thorns. We, and Life, have our moments.
Life occurs before our morning coffee.
Life occurs in our bathrobe with our hair uncombed.
Bless and give thanks for All of Life - the bloom and the thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove


 

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It doesn't matter how long my hair is
or what color my skin is
or whether I'm a woman or a man.
- John Lennon

Judgment is discernment on a bad hair day.
- Mary Anne Radmacher


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It really does matter when we tell even the slightest untruth.
Even something as well intentioned as
telling someone their ill-finished
hair style looks wonderful will backfire -
certainly karmically, and usually practically.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Gather yourself by the sea shore and I will love you there.
Assemble yourself with wild things,
with songs of the sparrow and sea-foam.
Let mad beauty collect itself in your eyes
and it will shine - Calling me.
For I long for a man with nests of wild things in his hair.
A man who will Kiss the Flame.
- Jewel

Ever had a bad hair day -
a day when everything seemed to be going wrong?
Perhaps today is a day to soothe your ruffled feathers,
take a deep breath, and reaffirm that
the weight of the world is really not on your shoulders,
unless you choose to assume that burden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped,
probably arboreal in its habits.
- Charles Darwin

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the
physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquility.
- Khalil Gibran

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein

Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

This is your day to Laugh at Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

This is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder

As you awaken,
may your dreams greet you by name,
and may you answer, "Yes!"
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Vengeance: "It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White

Choose to soar. Choose to fly your dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

As the evening beckons with the promise of tomorrow...
may your gratitude rise up and with strength answer, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman

Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.