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Let these funny Proselytizing Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Proselytizing is always meddling.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We do not need to proselytize
either by our speech or by our writing.
We can only do so really with our lives.
Let our lives be open books for all to study.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
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If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.