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Funny Speech Quotes
Funny Quotes about Speech

Let these funny Speech Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

The wise ones fashioned speech with their thought,
sifting it as grain is sifted through a sieve.
- The Buddha


 

People hardly ever make use of the freedom which they have,
for example, freedom of thought;
instead they demand freedom of speech as a compensation.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Private religious speech can't be discriminated against.
It has to be treated equally with secular speech.
- Samuel Alito

Music is well said to be the speech of angels.
- Thomas Carlyle


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An educated man is thoroughly inoculated against humbug,
thinks for himself and tries to give his thoughts,
in speech or on paper, some style.
- Alan K. Simpson

A generous heart, kind speech,
and a life of service and compassion
are the things which renew humanity.
- The Buddha

We do not need to proselytize
either by our speech or by our writing.
We can only do so really with our lives.
Let our lives be open books for all to study.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Silence is safer than speech.
- Epictetus

I never had a speech from my father 'this is what you
must do or shouldn't do' but I just learned to be led by example.
My father wasn't perfect.
- Adam Sandler

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop
speech when words become superfluous.
- Ingrid Bergman

Free speech is not to be regulated like diseased cattle and impure butter.
The audience that hissed yesterday may applaud today,
even for the same performance.
- William O. Douglas

Few people know how to take a walk.
The qualifications are endurance,
plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature,
good humor, vast curiosity, good speech,
good silence and nothing too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fear of serious injury alone cannot justify oppression
of free speech and assembly.
Men feared witches and burnt women.
It is the function of speech to free men from the bondage of irrational fears.
- Louis D. Brandeis

All speech is vain and empty unless it be accompanied by action.
- Demosthenes

Everybody favours free speech in the slack moments
when no axes are being ground.
- Heywood Broun

The hearing aids are very helpful for speech reading.
Without the hearing aids, my voice becomes very loud,
and I cannot control the quality of my voice.
- Marlee Matlin

In all sincere speech there is power,
not necessarily great power, but as much as the speaker is capable of.
- George Henry Lewes

Speech is the mirror of action.
- Solon

Hubert, a speech doesn't have to be eternal to be immortal.
- Muriel Humphrey

A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree,
then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.
- Adlai E. Stevenson

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
- Martin Farquhar Tupper

I love her attitude, but as much as I'd like to bring
my medals to a speech or appearance,
I never do.
- Mary Lou Retton

No one ever complains about a speech being too short!
- Ira Hayes

If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led,
like sheep to the slaughter.
- George Washington

Freedom is poetry, taking liberties with words,
breaking the rules of normal speech,
violating common sense.
Freedom is violence.
- Norman O. Brown

A voice is a human gift; it should be cherished and used,
to utter fully human speech as possible.
Powerlessness and silence go together.
- Margaret Atwood

Better a thousandfold abuse of free speech than denial of free speech.
- Charles Bradlaugh

A nice, easy place for freedom of speech to be eroded is comics,
because comics are a natural target whenever an election comes up.
- Neil Gaiman

Any man who makes a speech more than six times a year
is bound to repeat himself,
not because he has little to say, but because he wants
applause and the old stuff gets it.
- William Feather

While I've had a great distaste for what's usually
called song in modern poetry or for what's usually called music,
I really don't think of speech as so far from song.
- David Antin

Speech is external thought, and thought internal speech.
- Antoine Rivarol

You must stand for free speech in the streets.
- Mary Harris Jones

Because of my language and the pantomime with which
most Europeans accompany their speech,
I was catalogued as a heavy.
- Bela Lugosi

Understanding is nothing else than conception caused by speech.
- Thomas Hobbes

Eloquent speech is not from lip to ear,
but rather from heart to heart.
- William Jennings Bryan

Discretion of speech is more than eloquence,
and to speak agreeably to him with whom we deal is
more than to speak in good words,
or in good order.
- Francis Bacon

Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire.
- Abbie Hoffman

Silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech.
- Susan Sontag

Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
- William Safire

In making a speech one must study three points:
first,
the means of producing persuasion; second,
the language; third the proper arrangement of the various parts of the speech.
- Aristotle

English is clipped in speech.
Texas is exactly the opposite.
- Michael Caine

Every article I wrote in those days,
every speech I made,
is full of pleading for the recognition of lead poisoning
as a real and serious medical problem.
- Alice Hamilton

Silence is as deep as eternity, speech a shallow as time.
- Thomas Carlyle

I took speech training.
I took a few voice lessons in college.
- Harry Dean Stanton

You can't trust politicians.
It doesn't matter who makes a political speech.
It's all lies - and it applies to any rock star who
wants to make a political speech as well.
- Bob Geldof

In the world of commercial speech, tobacco advertising
bears the earmarks of an endangered species.
- Jef I. Richards

Anarchists prepare for social revolution and use every means-
speech,
writing, or deed, whichever is more to the point -
to accelerate revolutionary development.
- Johann Most

Advertising is speech.
It's regulated because it's often effective speech.
- Jef I. Richards

A quotation in a speech, article or book is like a
rifle in the hands of an infantryman.
It speaks with authority.
- Brendan Francis

The most censored speech in America today is not flag-burning,
pornography, or the press.
- Phyllis Schlafly

I will be brief.
Not nearly so brief as Salvador Dali,
who gave the world's shortest speech.
He said I will be so brief I have already finished,
and he sat down.
- Gene Fowler

Whenever the speech is corrupted so is the mind.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Free speech is meant to protect unpopular speech.
Popular speech, by definition, needs no protection.
- Neal Boortz

Hundreds of political prisoners still suffer in Tibetan prisons.
Freedom of speech is not allowed in any sense.
It is illegal to possess a photo of the Dalai Lama.
- Joanna Lumley

Brevity is the best recommendation of speech,
whether in a senator or an orator.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

No speech can stain what is noble by nature.
- Sophocles

In a good play every speech should be as fully flavored as a nut or apple.
- J. M. Synge

Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap
crude rhythms for bears to dance to,
while we long to make music that will melt the stars.
- Gustave Flaubert

It is a paradox that every dictator has climbed to
power on the ladder of free speech.
Immediately on attaining power each dictator has suppressed
all free speech except his own.
- Herbert Hoover

Today it is becoming harder to speak out,
with the inception of the Patriot Act,
the president has legislated free speech to be a crime.
- Frank Serpico

The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.
- Clifton Paul Fadiman

In rendering its decision in our case,
the Supreme Court equated money with speech because
these days it takes the first to make yourself heard.
- James L. Buckley

There are so many exceptions to free speech:
child pornography,
cross burning, libel, fighting words.
- Cliff Stearns

To suppress free speech is a double wrong.
It violates the rights of the hearer as well as those of the speaker.
- Frederick Douglass

One man's blasphemy doesn't override other people's free-speech rights,
their freedom to publish, freedom of thought.
- Dan Savage

Speech is civilization itself.
- Thomas Mann

All the big powers they've silenced me.
So much for free speech and choice on this fundamental human right.
- Jack Kevorkian

Lately I've been believing that music predates speech.
- Debbie Harry


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