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Funny Absence Quotes
Funny Quotes about Absence

Let these funny Absence Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.
- Zhuangzi

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect,
and the absence of ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Trust in the Light.
Darkness is not a force -
it is merely the absence of light.
Observe that when a light is brought to a dark place,
the darkness disappears.
Sadness is similar -
when joy is brought to suffering,
the sadness disappears.
Open yourself to the Light!
Hold back nothing,
Trust in the Light.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect
and the absence of ego.
Love yourself.
Love everyone around you.
Love everyone in the whole world.
Know that your own life is of infinite importance,
as is every other life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Know that darkness is merely the absence of light.
You can be the small candle that defeats the vast darkness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear,
but the triumph over it.
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,
but he who conquers that fear.
- Nelson Mandela


 

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones,
as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
- Francois de la Rochefoucauld

When all is said and done,
the one sole condition that makes
spiritual happiness and preserves it
is the absence of doubt.
- Mark Twain

A happy life consists not in the absence,
but in the mastery of hardships.
- Helen Keller

If what Proust says is true,
that happiness is the absence of fever,
then I will never know happiness.
For I am possessed by a fever
for knowledge, experience, and creation.
- Anais Nin

Today I offer a prayer of forgiveness:
forgive the pettiness of my ingratitude...
the absence of profound thankfulness.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Absence does not make the heart grow fonder,
but it sure heats up the blood.
- Elizabeth Ashley

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be
clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
- Khalil Gibran

Love is the total absence of fear.
Love asks no questions.
Its natural state is one of extension and expansion,
not comparison and measurement.
- Gerald Jampolsky

Happiness is not the absence of problems,
but the willingness to deal with them joyfully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
- Benjamin Franklin

Security is not the absence of danger,
but the presence of God,
no matter what the danger.
- Anonymous

Sadness is nothing more than the absence of joy
in the same way that darkness
is nothing more than the absence of light.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Courage is not the absence of fear,
but rather the judgement that something else
is more important than fear.
- Ambrose Redmoon

Love is the absence of judgment.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
- Thomas Haynes Bayly

Although the world is full of suffering,
it is full also of the overcoming of it.
My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil,
but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good
and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good,
that it may prevail.
- Helen Keller

Darkness is not a force -
it is merely the absence of light.
Observe that when a light
is brought to a dark place,
the darkness disappears.
Sadness is similar -
when joy is brought to suffering,
the sadness disappears.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho

The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin

When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
- Osho

I am the owner of my choices.
I am the source for the perspectives I choose to hold...
regardless of how aware I am of why or how I come to possess
that particular perspective.
It takes courage to look into the mirror of our souls, absent excuses.
I will look into that mirror little bits at a time.
SEE and ACT. SEE what I can bear to see and ACT upon what I am able.
This is the heart of a gentle invitation to personal responsibility.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous

Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings

Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather

This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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