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Let these funny Mattress Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Self-pity in its early stages
is as snug as a feather mattress.
Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
- Maya Angelou
It is our choices ... that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets) 
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
- Leonardo da Vinci
I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
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I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
You do not need anyone's permission to be your true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This is your day to Laugh at Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
- W. C. Fields
Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz
I do not need anyone's permission to be my true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland
Weariness comes, on some days, from lack of service to self.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving.
I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
- William J. Clinton
Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln
Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect,
and the absence of ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stand Tall, Stand Proud.
Know that you are unique and magnificent.
You do not need the approval of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Self confident independent thinker -
sounds like the makings of a hero.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare
I sail the seas of life as the MASTER of my ship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am a self-centered spoiled-rotten brat,
Thank you for nurturing me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
Listen to the compass of your heart.
All you need lies within you.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
No amount of self-improvement can make up
for a lack of self-acceptance.
- Anonymous
Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect
and the absence of ego.
Love yourself.
Love everyone around you.
Love everyone in the whole world.
Know that your own life is of infinite importance,
as is every other life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
- Edmund Hillary
What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We all go through life bristling
at our external limitations,
but the most difficult chains
to break are inside us.
- Bradley Whitford
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
To have a friendship with God,
all I really have to do is have
a friendship with my Self.
- Neale Donald Walsch
When one has nothing to lose, one becomes courageous.
We are timid only when
there is something we can still cling to.
- Carlos Castaneda
With realization of one's own potential and
self-confidence in one's ability,
one can build a better world.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
A man who doesn't trust himself
can never really trust anyone else.
- Cardinal De Retz
Real excellence and humility are
not incompatible one with the other,
on the contrary they are twin sisters.
- Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
That you may retain your self-respect, it is better
to displease the people by doing what you know is right,
than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.
- William J. H. Boetcker
Freedom is from within.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Be that self which one truly is.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have a great deal of company in the house,
especially in the morning when nobody calls.
- Henry David Thoreau
I'm not a genius.
I'm just a tremendous bundle of experience.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
The way to develop self-confidence
is to do the thing you fear
and get a record of successful experiences behind you.
- William Jennings Bryan
Self-respect is not a function of size, age, or wealth.
Breathe deep, sing loud and sweet,
"I am me, I am unique, I am magnificent."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We disrespect ourselves and our free-will
whenever we say that we NEED to do something.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The importance of history is in it's
educational value for our lives today,
not in regret, resentment, or revenge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine.
But you have to forgive yourself.
Let go of what's bitter and move on.
- Bill Cosby
You get what you settle for.
- the character Louise in the movie Thelma and Louise
Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
- William Shakespeare
Everyone thinks of changing the world,
but no one thinks of changing himself.
- Leo Tolstoy
We must be our own before we can be another's.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden
I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself,
than be crowded on a velvet cushion.
- Henry David Thoreau
When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves
and our own self-preservation,
we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.
- Joseph Campbell
No one is in control of your happiness but you;
therefore, you have the power to change anything
about yourself or your life that you want to change.
- Barbara De Angelis
Other people do not have to change
for us to experience peace of mind.
- Gerald Jampolsky
Solitude is painful when one is young,
but delightful when one is more mature.
- Albert Einstein
He who lives in harmony with himself
lives in harmony with the universe.
- Marcus Aurelius
You either do it completely and utterly,
or you should stop doing it.
- Bono (paraphrase)
Make your "yes" mean yes,
and your "no" mean no.
- John Wooden
If you fear making anyone mad,
then you ultimately probe for
the lowest common denominator of human achievement.
- Jimmy Carter
I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel
You have to leave the city of your comfort
and go into the wilderness of your intuition.
What you'll discover will be wonderful.
What you'll discover is yourself.
- Alan Alda
Free-Will is the key to the prison of the mind.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
May your life always be Counterpoint to the Clamor of the World.
May you delight in Dancing Lightly With Life.
May you soar on eagle wings, high above the madness of the world.
May you always sing Melody in the Symphony of Your Life.
May you taste, smell, and touch your dreams of a beautiful tomorrow.
May your sun always shine, and your sky be forever blue.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ninety-nine percent of who you are
is invisible and untouchable.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
To travel is to take a journey into yourself.
- Danny Kaye
The man who is dissatisfied with himself, what can he do?
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.