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Let these funny Examine Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
If there is anything that we wish to change in the child,
we should first examine it and see whether it is
not something that could better be changed in ourselves.
- Carl Jung
Re-examine all that you have been told...
dismiss that which insults your soul.
- Walt Whitman
When you see something done,
know that you intended it.
If you don't like what you see,
then deeply examine your intentions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Examine what is said, not him who speaks.
- Arabian Proverb
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When I examine myself and my methods of thought,
I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy
has meant more to me than
any talent for absorbing positive knowledge.
- Albert Einstein
The Master speaks more directly,
"If you want something done,
just relax, and see it as being done.
Better yet, when you see something done,
know that you intended it."
When I ask, "What if I don't like what I see done?",
He answers, "then deeply examine your intentions."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Many people excuse their own faults
but judge other persons harshly.
We should reverse this attitude
by excusing others' shortcomings
and by harshly examining our own.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Almost any sect, cult, or religion will
legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Anyone who can worship a trinity
and insist that his religion is a monotheism
can believe anything.
- Robert A Heinlein
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
I don't doubt God. I have firm faith absolutely in God.
It's religion I'm doubting.
- Bono
Morality is the theory that every human act
must be either right or wrong,
and that 99 % of them are wrong.
- H. L. Mencken
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
- John Lennon
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken
The Christian missionary may preach the gospel
to the poor naked heathen,
but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe
have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
- Carl Jung
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
The believer's ray of light is the cynic's sunburn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell
If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead
Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon
I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
It ain't those parts of the Bible
that I can't understand that bother me,
it is the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
The invisible and nonexistent look much alike.
- Delos B. McKown
True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I cannot persuade myself that a
beneficent and omnipotent God
would have designedly created parasitic wasps
with the express intention of their feeding
within the living bodies of caterpillars.
- Charles Darwin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts
Do not let Sunday be taken from you.
If your soul has no Sunday, it becomes an orphan.
- Albert Schweitzer
Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
All religions are the same:
Religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.
- Cathy Ladman
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin
Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Science without religion is lame,
religion without science is blind.
- Albert Einstein
The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.