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Let these funny Halloween Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Most of us seldom let the outrageous
part of ourselves out to play.
Notice that I didn't say "never," I said "seldom."
Halloween is one of those exceptions.
While there are certainly many "bah humbug" houses on our street,
more than half the houses wear an acknowledgement of Halloween -
and nothing about Halloween is NOT outrageous.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield
Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
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Unless they share our opinions,
we seldom find people sensible.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
I seldom think about my limitations,
and they never make me sad.
Perhaps there is just a touch of yearning at times;
but it is vague, like a breeze among flowers.
- Helen Keller
True friendship is like sound health;
the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
- Charles Caleb Colton
The most successful war seldom pays for its losses.
- Thomas Jefferson
Friendship often leads to love,
but lust seldom leads to friendship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Great and good are seldom the same man.
- Winston Churchill
Things are seldom what they seem.
- William S. Gilbert (Gilbert and Sullivan: HMS Pinafore)
Today's problems can seldom be solved using yesterday's answers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Great opportunities to help others seldom come,
but small ones surround us every day.
- Sally Koch
The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be alert. The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Thoughtful people seldom share exactly the same opinion -
the same point-of-view.
The wise ones understand that they know nothing -
for virtually none of our experience is truly factual -
and they graciously honor all other opinions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is a wonderful advantage to a man,
in every pursuit or avocation,
to secure an adviser in a sensible woman.
In woman there is at once a subtle delicacy of tact,
and a plain soundness of judgement,
which are rarely combined to an equal degree in man.
A woman, if she be really your friend,
will have a sensitive regard for your character, honor, repute.
She will seldom counsel you to do a shabby thing:
for a woman friend always desires to be proud of you.
- Edward Bulwer-Lytton
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
In those days he was wiser than he is now;
he used to frequently take my advice.
- Winston Churchill
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong
If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill
Unsolicited Advice Is Always Meddling.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
An unsolicited suggestion is
undistinguishable from a criticism.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No one can give you better advice than yourself.
- Cicero
A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering
Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank
Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.
- Publilius Syrus
There are old heads in the world
who cannot help me by their example or advice
to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself;
but I believe that it is in my power
to elevate myself this very hour
above the common level of my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
You are perfect. You are complete.
Your inner voice always knows what to do,
but it is a quiet voice.
You can only hear the whisperings of your inner voice -
your inner compass - when you turn down the volume
of your fears, your regrets, your resentments,
and the fear-based advice
your neighbors are so willing to give you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
How true Daddy's words were when he said:
all children must look after their own upbringing.
Parents can only give good advice
or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank
Many of us have been conditioned to trust others' opinions
more than our own, and I believe that sort of trust is excessive.
This is especially true with regard to authority figures -
doctors, lawyers, priests. I trust my doctor's intentions toward me,
but I don't blindly follow his suggestions
without checking other sources also.
He was trained to prescribe a pill for everything,
and does it with the best of intentions,
but I often choose to trust God's quiet voice inside me
rather than my doctor's medical advice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation
Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson
Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
- Marie Curie
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Magic is natural to Wizards,
and only a little harder for the rest of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.