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Funny Advice Quotes
Funny Quotes about Advice

Let these funny Advice Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

A word to the wise ain't necessary -
it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
- Bill Cosby

Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong


 

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong

In those days he was wiser than he is now;
he used to frequently take my advice.
- Winston Churchill


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My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill

Unsolicited Advice Is Always Meddling.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

An unsolicited suggestion is
undistinguishable from a criticism.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good,
until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think
in your mind that the counsel is wise.
- Joan Rivers

Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.
- Publilius Syrus

Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

No one can give you better advice than yourself.
- Cicero

The best money advice ever given me was from my father.
When I was a little girl, he told me,
'Don't spend anything unless you have to.'
- Dinah Shore

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank

It is a sad commentary of our times when our young
must seek advice and counsel from "Dear Abby" instead of going to Mom and Dad.
- Abigail Van Buren

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person,
defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
- Dave Barry

When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his
40s shouldn't play tennis.
I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait
until I reached 50 to start again.
- Hugo Black

Death is a very dull, dreary affair,
and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Advice in old age is foolish; for what can be more
absurd than to increase our provisions for the road
the nearer we approach to our journey's end.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering

The advice I am giving always to all my students is
above all to study the music profoundly...
music is like the ocean, and the instruments are little or bigger islands,
very beautiful for the flowers and trees.
- Andres Segovia

How true Daddy's words were when he said:
all children must look after their own upbringing.
Parents can only give good advice
or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank

There are old heads in the world
who cannot help me by their example or advice
to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself;
but I believe that it is in my power
to elevate myself this very hour
above the common level of my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

You are perfect. You are complete.
Your inner voice always knows what to do,
but it is a quiet voice.
You can only hear the whisperings of your inner voice -
your inner compass - when you turn down the volume
of your fears, your regrets, your resentments,
and the fear-based advice
your neighbors are so willing to give you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was told to avoid the business all together because of the rejection.
People would say to me, 'Don't you want to have a normal
job and a normal family?' I guess that would be good advice for some people,
but I wanted to act.
- Jennifer Aniston

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our
lives means the most to us,
we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice,
solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our
pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
- Henri Nouwen

I had neither expert aid nor advice.
I studied no courses in writing; until a year or so ago,
I never read a book by anybody advising writers how to write.
- Robert E. Howard

Many of us have been conditioned to trust others' opinions
more than our own, and I believe that sort of trust is excessive.
This is especially true with regard to authority figures -
doctors, lawyers, priests. I trust my doctor's intentions toward me,
but I don't blindly follow his suggestions
without checking other sources also.
He was trained to prescribe a pill for everything,
and does it with the best of intentions,
but I often choose to trust God's quiet voice inside me
rather than my doctor's medical advice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm very wary about giving advice.
I think it's very dangerous to give advice to people,
except if you know them very well.
- Omar Sharif

No one wants advice - only corroboration.
- John Steinbeck

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes.
- Joseph Addison

The best advice is to take it easy, respect speed limits
and do not try to make up time lost in the tailbacks on the open road.
- Emma Caulfield

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle -
keep away from children.
- Phyllis Diller

It is an easy thing for one whose foot is on the outside
of calamity to give advice and to rebuke the sufferer.
- Aeschylus

As far as advice, that will be in my next book,
my next collection.
I certainly never like to instruct anyone,
but just say as I feel.
That's the same as advice, isn't it?
- Fay Wray

My success was due to good luck, hard work,
and support and advice from friends and mentors.
But most importantly, it depended on me to keep trying after I had failed.
- Mark Warner

Never advise anyone to go to war or to get married.
Write down the advice of him who loves you,
though you like it not at present.
He that has no children brings them up well.
- Germaine Greer

My advice to someone to follow in my footsteps is to have patience.
I've been doing this for twelve years.
- Christina Milian

My personal advice is to go to school first and get
a liberal arts education,
and then if you want to pursue acting,
go to graduate school.
- Jillian Bach

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
- Wilson Mizner

My own perception of that is somewhat colored by where people ask my advice,
which is still, of course, about changes to Python
internals or at least standard libraries.
- Guido van Rossum

Know when to speak - for many times it brings danger,
to give the best advice to kings.
- Robert Herrick

Every man, however wise, needs the advice of some sagacious
friend in the affairs of life.
- Titus Maccius Plautus

No vice is so bad as advice.
- Marie Dressler

I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice;
had I abided by it I might have been saved from some
of my most valuable mistakes.
- Edna St.
Vincent Millay

One of the advantages of being a captain is being able
to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it.
- William Shatner

Advice is sometimes transmitted more successfully through
a joke than grave teaching.
- Baltasar Gracian

A lot of people think I'm cynical when I talk about acting.
The truth of the matter is, I just don't want someone
to get some lame advice that will send them in the wrong direction.
- Amber Tamblyn

I cannot give any scientist of any age better advice than this:
the intensity of a conviction that a hypothesis is
true has no bearing over whether it is true or not.
- Peter Medawar

Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties.
- Aesop

The Muslim leaders swallow the advice of the Western
powers and bodies like the IMF and World Bank,
even when it is bad for their countries and they know this.
- Abu Bakar Bashir

Women don't like advice.
They don't want you to fix their problems,
they just want you to listen.
- Shawn Wayans

After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face.
My advice is to keep your face, and stay sitting down.
- Barbara Cartland

My advice to you concerning applause is this:
enjoy it but never quite believe it.
- Samuel Lover

There is a misleading, unwritten rule that states if
a quote giving advice comes from someone famous,
very old, or Greek, then it must be good advice.
- Bo Bennett

The only advice I can give to aspiring writers is don't
do it unless you're willing to give your whole life to it.
Red wine and garlic also helps.
- Jim Harrison

Advice to beginning SF writers? Write a lot,
finish what you write, and when it's done,
keep sending it out for quite awhile.
- Rudy Rucker

My other advice is to start writing songs and singing right away.
- Jerry Harrison

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
- Saul Bellow

It gets really tricky giving advice.
The older I get, the less advice I give.
- Anne Heche

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice.
- Franklin P. Jones

Most people who ask for advice from others have already
resolved to act as it pleases them.
- Khalil Gibran

An extreme optimist is a man who believes that humanity
will probably survive even if it doesn't take his advice.
- John McCarthy

I understand how hard it is to talk to people about MS.
You don't want pity or random advice.
- Teri Garr

We all admire the wisdom of people who come to us for advice.
- Arthur Helps

I think there has to be greater heed paid by the Security
Council members to military advice.
- Alex Morrison

I once said the Queen of England could use some fashion advice.
- Kathie Lee Gifford


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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