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Let these funny Cardinal Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A man who doesn't trust himself
can never really trust anyone else.
- Cardinal De Retz
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields 
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.