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Let these funny Budget Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Not paying a just wage, not giving work,
only because one is looking at the bottom line,
at the budget of the company, seeking only profit -
that is against God.
- Pope Francis
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
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"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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